What I learned in the month of June

Michael Bay directed the Got Milk commercial “Aaron Burr / peanut butter incident”
Hoover does not rhyme with halleleuiah
Emancipation Proclimation was in 1863
Thomas DeCarlo Callaway = CeeLo Green
That I give “hot cooperation”
Eat certain foods based on blood type
Hold that thought to yourself
Waking up with a sense of dread might be a hangover
A warm welcome offered by a host = glad hand
Grilling is lazy cooking
Egg salad is not healthy
“Craps” comes from the French word for turtle
I’m pretty awesome at Craps
Birds that hit your windshield leave an imprint
Sue’s middle name is now Zaroo
Don’t allow Robyn to talk about animals at lunch
Adame cheats with words like foozle
Blurb.com is super cool
A bunch of uses for water displacement #40
Walt Disney World and the Orlando airport don’t sell gum
Kelvin doesn’t like peanut butter

Music Monday, something similar although wholly unlike Angry Birds

Birds. Perhaps I’m only noticing them more than usual due to the book I’m reading, (Divergent by Veronica Roth – pretty flippin sweet read, check it out*,) but it feels like my avionic friends are everywhere right now. I’ve got a couple of finch families living above my water lilies, there’s a blue jay who hangs out in the backyard, bunch of those black ones with weird fan tails that hunt through my grass for worms… and Barry, the suicidal bird.

Barry lives in the oak tree in front of my house (the one across from Sammy the squirrel - who is doing great by the way.) I’m not sure what kind of bird he is, there’s nothing distinctive about his coloring or size, he’s just a bird. What makes Barry so interesting is that he is completely suicidal. I mean it, 100% manic-depressive, put him in a white jacket and padded cell, this bird is cuckoo (pun intended.)

The moment you start your car he flies down and lands in front of your tires, then waddles around for a little bit and once you start to move he’ll barely make it out of the way before you run him over. I’ve been in my kitchen looking out at the street and seen him swoop down and try to get run over by the recycling truck. I’m serious, he’s got some serious thrill issues.

Therefore, I cannot help myself but to make this song my Music Monday pick. I double dog dare you to try and get this awesomeness out of your head.


* In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

Disney Fail

My hubster didn't grow up in an environment where a trip to Walt Disney World was even something you could dream about in your sleep; why even dream about something that would never, ever happen unless your parents won the lottery? I, however, grew up with every last wish fulfilled - trips to Australia, skiing in Vermont, jetting off to Holland and snorkeling in Antigua - yes, I was spoiled and I didn't truly comprehend that until I chose to link my life with X, my best friend.

With our mutual love for Harry Potter, I started planning a trip to Orlando once the Universal park was announced. Obviously, including Walt Disney World was a no-brainer since it's the most magical place on earth. So I started saving, couple dollars here; bonus there, scrimping on groceries and clothing, so that I could pay for the trip without his knowing. Finally, I had enough ducats together and with his 41st birthday approaching, planned our trip on the sly.

Using my lunch hour and in the wee, small hours of the morning, I pulled everything together. I was so proud of myself for not spilling the beans (as I am a notorious bean spiller) until the letter arrived... which brings me to the email I sent Disney today (crafted by the wonderful Leslie.)

Dear Disney (yes, I've been conditioned to believe that, when I talk to one Disney employee, I'm addressing the whole company and spirit of Walt Disney),

Your current ad campaigns, showing excited children being surprised by magical Disney vacations, really hit home with me. My husband didn't have the kind of childhood in which fun, family vacations, let alone surprise trips to Walt Disney World, were the remotest of possibilities. I had already been saving money for a while, planning do something fantastic to surprise him for his upcoming birthday. And Disney's advertising gave me the perfect idea. Or so I thought.

Using money I had squirreled away from a year and a half, I planned a surprise Walt Disney World vacation for my husband's birthday. Not only would he get the spectacular surprise I had hoped for, but he'd also get another chance at every kid's dream. I was careful to use my work email address and cell phone number to make sure to keep everything a surprise. I was so excited! But when my husband checked the mail a few days later, the surprise was completely ruined by a large, colorful envelope with the mouse himself featured prominently.

Really, Disney? When I buy a book online from Amazon.com, I'm offered an option to indicate that the purchase I'm making is a gift. And they don't even have a big ad campaign promoting themselves as the ultimate surprise gift provider. But Disney, whose ads suggest the greatest surprise a kid of any age could ever receive, doesn't think to ask if my vacation purchase is a surprise or give me a heads up that they are going to be mailing a big, blue package to my home? The surprise is ruined and I am heartbroken.

So there you have it. I feel that Disney needs to do something... what do you think?

Workout Wednesday Report - Sweating with other chubsters

As this picture might express, I'm feeling pretty good today. Just got back from Anytime Fitness (shout out) after 30 minutes on the elliptical, the crazy one that allows you to modify strides. I happen to prefer this machine as it allows me to time my footfalls with whatever music I'm listening to versus a treadmill where I would have to adjust the pace up or down. X made me a new play list "pUnk rOck" which had a mishmash of Danzig, My Chemical Romance and Billy Idol (the crush still holds after all these years... oh Cradle of Love, the first "sexy" video I ever saw.) As you can tell, it wasn't really a punk play list, especially once I hit Moxy Fruvous and Nina Simone, but it was made with great intentions and I enjoyed it. But let me backtrack the week and report properly.

After last week's posting, I got in a few more cardio workouts, then a Saturday morning training session with Amazon Amy. She had another client tag-teaming who was a gorgeous mid-forties woman with a rocking bod. I was envious and said I wanted to look like her and Amy said, "You should tell her that. She doesn't think so." Proves the point that everyone has their own body issues to work through. Thirty minutes of paid pain later, I rushed home to shower and meet the Book Club Peeps at Benedict's on Belt Line. Bueno, Bonita Chiquita and Dirty Sturdy rounded out our table - I was good and had lox and veg, hold the bagel. After making my apologies at 11am, rushed home to grab X and make our way to the airport for Vegas Lacking Father's Weekend.

Vegas. Bellagio. My first time visiting as an adult. Learned I am a pretty good craps player, got to hangout with Ky, saw the UNBELIEVABLE Cirque du Soliel "O" show, supped at Prime Steakhouse (asked for the Chef's preferred truffle oil: Sabatino black truffle,) drank vodka & tonic per Amy's reco and generally had a luxurious time. I even had Cheerios for breakfast the next day. Look at me! Avoiding the buffet of bacon and pancakes!

Now this is where I slipped a little. I didn't get any exercise Sunday or Monday, I was tired and not up to it. When I showed up for my Tuesday training session, Amy was cool. "Just get in what you can, don't kill yourself." Did I mention how much I heart Amy? She proceeded to abuse my back and hammies for 30 minutes, probably since I flaked for the previous two days of work, but I came out of the session sweaty and feeling stronger.

That catches us up to today. X says he can tell I've lost weight. I think he's being a good hubster, I don't see it, but compliments are good so 'll take it. I truly enjoy going to Anytime Fitness as the other five people in there were other chubs like me, most of whom a good ten or twenty years older. Brent gave me the wassup nod as I climbed onto the machine and there was a gal on the stair climber that had a booty Kelvin would drool over.

So that's the report. Please comment back on suggestions for songs that are really great to listen to while passing the time on the machines, I'd appreciate it.

Music Monday - Shelby Lynne

Wait what? Shelby who? If this is some veiled attempt to make me listen to country-western, then I'm going to scream! (Is it still called C&W? Or just Cun-tree? Reminds me of that line from Blues Brothers, "We have BOTH kinds of music!")

Seriously though, Shelby Lynne and a song called Tarpoleon Napoleon. Check it out.


http://www.last.fm/music/Shelby+Lynne/_/Tarpoleon+Napoleon

The day I discovered woot

I'm so late to the woot party. Heard about it from Joe a long time ago and never went to the site. Today, while searching for a "Writer Monkey" shirt (a story unto itself) I came across shirt.woot.com and this amazeballs creative that I want to display proudly on my snoobs. Sadly, the sale is over and I can't buy one anymore. But now I'll be keeping my eye out for other fantastic designs. Oh, and Bueno? There a wine.woot.com site too!

Workout Wednesday - The Beginning

For the past nine years, I've been living in a state of constant stress and really haven't placed value on taking care of myself. Everyone else's needs came first, which is fine - I chose that by taking care of the needs of family and trying to be a good person by helping those in transition - but now that it's just X and I in the house with our boopins, it's time to be selfish. Yes, more selfish than before.

It would be easy for me to blame the weight on the Great Ski Trip of Disaster and Disappointment for a bum knee (which I do) but truly I need to blame myself for not caring enough about my own health and fitness. If your body is a temple, I treated mine like Filene's Basement on discounted wedding dress day.

Not being a fan of exercise since, well... birth, I've finally embarked on a journey of healthiness. The goal is to get my heart strong and muscles in shape so I'm not wheezing whilst traipsing up stairs (with the hopeful added benefit of losing lbs.) I debated whether to blog about it, but this is what will hold me accountable. It's public. It's honest. And as the blog title suggests, very egocentric and true to my form.

So here goes. I've never been heavier than this current weight in my entire life, which needless to say is about 60 lbs more than where I imagine myself to be. I've hired a trainer, Amazon Amy*, who has been kicking my fat ass into shape twice a week. Three other nights a week I do cardio for 30 minutes and play Words With Friends and listen to good tunes to try and make the time go by more quickly. I haven't felt adrenaline yet, though my colleague Robyn swears it will happen. I'm eating well, watching the sugar and carbs, but still have a weakness for wine. I'm tracking all my foods and exercise on the Anytime Health ap. That's where we are at today.

It's been four weeks, I've lost about five pounds and feel good about this direction. I am going to post each Workout Wednesday and hope that you enjoy reading about it. Maybe I can inspire my three readers that if I can do it, you can too. Or support your current health habits. Or just entertain you in some way. Let the journey begin.



*She's five feet tall, pretty, all muscle, blond, perky and fantastic. If the world were populated by Amy's, there would be no war, never a need for Prozac and every puppy would have a loving home.

Music Monday - How To Love

Because it's end of the day, I don't have a selection, and KK put this on my desk...
How To Love by Lil Wayne.

Tie Tuesday - Hiatus

2nd week in a row that I've forgotten my Tie Tuesday commitment. Since the boys downstairs suggested a summer break, not to mention Adame's point that it's too effing hot, we're going to break until Labor Day. Bring on Flip Flop Fridays!

Music Monday - Mountain Goats

"I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me."
Something different from a California band that's been around some time, but just recently introduced to me.

What I Learned in May

Good days to book trips on American Airlines
Things about Robyn's husband's nose habits.
Fred likes a nice, cold beer after a walk.
BRIC countries = Brazil, Russia, India, China
Taylor looks good in pink.
Men see lace and think about sexytime.
Bonaroo is June 9-12
PERSIFLAGE!
Nixon was in office from 69 - 74
How to incorporate 'Creepy Fred' into 'Salad is my friend'
Those Brandenbergs who rule the world.
Political candidates keep the money they have raised.
I love snorkeling and want to learn scuba.
Keep your receipts or Customs will search you.
Iguanas love Marachino cherries.
George Washington didn't get sworn in until 1789.