Real Eck Abode Convo - Part 022614

Scene: We are snuggled on the couch with the boopins, watching a movie. 

Hubster: Oh, that reminds me of the quote by Hemingway about hunting. 

Me: Wait, what?

H: You know, a man who hunts other men never cares about anything later.

M: I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you SURE it's by Hemingway?

H: Look it up!

M: (straight to google) man hunting quote hemingway... hmmm. Here it is! There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

H: See. Told ya. 

M: How do you know that quote?

H: Oh the guys in Fallujah spray painted it on the wall and put those thingies on either side of his name. (makes a motion with both hands in the air.)

M: Quotation marks?

H: Noooo.

M: Parenthesis?

H: That's the word. 

M: So, you know the whole quote. You know it was Hemingway. But you can't remember the word parenthesis?

Real Eck Abode Convo, Part 901

I walk into our kitchen with a bunch of delicious cupcakes leftover from a work anniversary. They are each individually frosted either red, blue or white. Hubster leaps over the couch running into the kitchen to start feasting on the sugary-goodness.

Hubs: I need one of each please.

Me: Why? They all taste the same. 

Hubs: No, no, no (shaking his head sadly, as if I was an imbecile) The frosting makes them taste different. 

Me: The frosting is the same on each, it's just the dye that makes them different.

Hubs: I disagree, the frosting can make one cupcake taste exceptionally different from another. (Points to the half empty box) See! All the white ones are almost gone! Those must taste the best.

Me: (Dramatic sigh) If, and I mean IF, the cupcakes tasted different, you wouldn't know until you took a cupcake and ate it. 

Hubs: Which is why I need one of each! (He grabs three cupcakes and walks back into the living room where all the boopins are staring at the cupcakes with drooling mouths. I follow him and sit on the sofa.)

Me: Maybe people picked white because they didn't want blue poops?

It Isn't Relevant to the Story

In the wee small hours of this morning - 

G: I had a weird dream

Hubster: Oh yeah, what?

G: I was in Oregon and I was getting married-

H: -wait a minute!

G: What?

H: Well, who was the groom?

G: He's not relevant to the story.

H: You're getting married and the groom isn't relevant to the story?

G: No, because I didn't even get to the wedding. Anyway, it was raining and I was in a golf cart and then I went down a chute. 

H: A chute?

G: Yeah, like chutes and ladders. A chute!

H: Okay, then what?

G: The chute spit me out into a pool with a bunch of people who added me to their water polo / dodge ball team-

H: You're all wet and clammy. Appraently you brought the rain out with you from the dream.

G: Dream rain? 

H: That should be your catch phrase... DREAM RAIN!

G: No, people at work already think I'm weird enough. 

H: Okay, fine. Then how about "it isn't relevant to the story."

G: *sigh* 

Has Four Wheels and Goes

I recently bought a new car, a VW Jetta who I have named Johann. He speaks with a high German accent, is very punctual and loves to sing beer drinking songs. (Yes, I give my cars personalities. I do the same with my plants. It's my thing.)

Johann has a true European shift where reverse is all the way over to the left and up. This is the exact opposite of Hubster's truck (whose name is Fruck and has very little personality. Quite stupid actually.)  So driving between the two of them can get confusing. Take this petite tête-à-tête as an example:

Me: (getting behind the wheel of Fruck) Wait. Which way do I rewind this again?
Hubs: (confused, sipping on frappachino) Wha?
Me: Rewind. How do I rewind the Fruck?
Hubs: You can't rewind the Fruck. 
Me: Yes you can. It's the opposite of Johann. Which way is that?
Hubs: (laughing) Oh you mean REVERSE!
Me: (not laughing) That's what I said.
Hubs: No, you said REWIND, two different things. 
Me: Well it makes more sense than reVERSE! I didn't sing a verse to begin with, so I don't need a RE-verse. I drove. I didn't really WIND anything to RE-wind. Though I did drink some WINE recently so that could make closer sense. 
Hubs: Stop. Just stop.
Me: I guess what it really should be is reDRIVE. I'm driving, now I'm driving the other way, I'm re-driving!
Hubs: Right and back.
Me: Wha?
Hubs: Take the shift and go right and back.
Me: Oh. Why didn't you say that to begin with?
Hubs: It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?
Me: (triumphantly pulling out of the parking space) Yup!

A couple of Jebus moments.

Saturday morning I had boot camp with Amazon Amy. Since the weather was “nice” she thought we should start off with some laps around the building. (“Nice” being only 90 degrees.) I had a new, fresh playlist for the hour and it motivated the six of us. It was the usual gang (Red, Mike, Dennis, me) and two n00bs – a black couple in their thirties, didn’t get their names. Mike especially liked it when we got to “The Cave” by Mumford and Sons. Noted! Will get n00bsters names next week. I actually lapped them in the work out, so they're going to need to catch up. I excelled in abs and flexibility, not so much on cardio. I swear, if you removed all this chub, I'd have a rocking six pack.

After the workout, Hubster and I went to Bullet Trap for some funsies. Didn't even shower, went all grubby since I'd get GSR all over me anyway. When we got there, the line was ridiculously long and a 30 minute wait. WTF peeps? Ya’ll wanna go shooting on the same day at the same time now? Jebus. I was informed that my driver’s license had expired and technically they shouldn't let me on the range, BUT since I’m a member, it would slide THIS time. Thanks guys! We got lane 9 between two couples who couldn't shoot in the red at yards. Jebus. Either I'm getting MUCH better or they really stunk. Maybe it was a first date thing, I hear that's popular.

So now I have to get a new license. Today, went first thing to the DMV, or as Texas calls it: the Department of Public Safety. What they are trying to be safe about, I haven’t the foggiest. Monday morning and the line was at least 100+ people deep.

Left Hubster in the line (since he had to renew his as well) and went off to get some breakfast and a coffee. Came back with and got in line with him, he’d moved up quite a bit. He looks down at me and says “Really? You got Chik-Fil-A?” And I said loudly, “Oh crap. I bought homophobic food. Jebus!” *shakes fist at the sky* I only ate the chicken, threw the biscuit, tots and coffee away. Not that it makes it better, but it was symbolic. (The chicken died for my stomach, so I felt compelled to honor its death. The tater tots? Not so much.*)

Two hours later, we got out of there. But not before Hubs almost didn’t pass the eye test. That would have sucked.

A hysterical conversation about carrying a weapon and protecting one’s bum was had on the way home, but I cannot repeat any of it here. Let’s just sum up: I was right, he was not so right. My bum is insecure whilst walking to the truck after work.

So I get to work and Bueno told me that she’s looking for the Jew-pacabra and I almost lost it. You’ll have to ask her to explain, or read her blog if/when she posts it.

And this afternoon was wrapped up by a ridiculous conversation including super straight golf balls, why Chik-Fil-A would love them, Steve Carrell, and urinal cakes. I know... you have no idea how we got from Chik-Fil-A to urinal cakes either, but we did. JJ summed it up best with "I'm not going to take drinking advice from a urinal cake."

Finally, I had to get a new bike helmet to protect my "big brain" (as Hubs calls it) so I made a stop at Wally World. (Jebus, I hate Wally World.) I was hoping for a super cute, fun one, but they don't make them in adult sizes. So I ended up with this:

I think I have a Dudley Do-Right chin in this pic. But, as Bueno would say, my eyebrows look fantastic!

Until the West Nile mosquitos are gone and it's not Agent Orange rated allergens outside, my new helmet is living on The David.

He's got a lot going on. 

*I wouldn’t eat tater tots anyway because they are bad for you and fattening and make me have to work out harder with Amazon Amy.
Well, maybe I had one or two...

Real Eck Abode House Convo #333

Me: Wouldn't it be weird if we were driving down the street and we saw Brad Pitt walking along the road?
Hubs: Yeah it would. What, did his car break down or something?
Me: Sure. Would you pick him up?
Hubs: Nah, I'd let him keep walking.
Me: What if it were Morgan Freeman?
Hubs: Oh, I'd pick him up.
Me: Why? Is it an age thing?
Hubs: Well yeah. I mean, if it were Brad Pitt, I'd just roll down the window and say "It's hot out there ain't it Mister Pitt?" But if it were Morgan Freeman, I'd offer him a ride.
Me: What about Tom Cruise? He's 50.
Hubs: He's healthy and has Scientology on his side. Walkin.
Me: Clint Eastwood?
Hubs: Pick him up.
Me: Jim Carrey?
Hubs: Walkin.
Me: Dustin Hoffman?
Hubs: Pick him up.
Me: Kim Basinger?
Hubs: Oh she's DEFINITELY walkin.
Me: Dolly Parton?
Hubs: Pick her up. She's old as dirt.