Saturday Boot Camp - NO AMAZON AMY?

A couple of Jebus moments.

Saturday morning I had boot camp with Amazon Amy. Since the weather was “nice” she thought we should start off with some laps around the building. (“Nice” being only 90 degrees.) I had a new, fresh playlist for the hour and it motivated the six of us. It was the usual gang (Red, Mike, Dennis, me) and two n00bs – a black couple in their thirties, didn’t get their names. Mike especially liked it when we got to “The Cave” by Mumford and Sons. Noted! Will get n00bsters names next week. I actually lapped them in the work out, so they're going to need to catch up. I excelled in abs and flexibility, not so much on cardio. I swear, if you removed all this chub, I'd have a rocking six pack.

After the workout, Hubster and I went to Bullet Trap for some funsies. Didn't even shower, went all grubby since I'd get GSR all over me anyway. When we got there, the line was ridiculously long and a 30 minute wait. WTF peeps? Ya’ll wanna go shooting on the same day at the same time now? Jebus. I was informed that my driver’s license had expired and technically they shouldn't let me on the range, BUT since I’m a member, it would slide THIS time. Thanks guys! We got lane 9 between two couples who couldn't shoot in the red at yards. Jebus. Either I'm getting MUCH better or they really stunk. Maybe it was a first date thing, I hear that's popular.

So now I have to get a new license. Today, went first thing to the DMV, or as Texas calls it: the Department of Public Safety. What they are trying to be safe about, I haven’t the foggiest. Monday morning and the line was at least 100+ people deep.

Left Hubster in the line (since he had to renew his as well) and went off to get some breakfast and a coffee. Came back with and got in line with him, he’d moved up quite a bit. He looks down at me and says “Really? You got Chik-Fil-A?” And I said loudly, “Oh crap. I bought homophobic food. Jebus!” *shakes fist at the sky* I only ate the chicken, threw the biscuit, tots and coffee away. Not that it makes it better, but it was symbolic. (The chicken died for my stomach, so I felt compelled to honor its death. The tater tots? Not so much.*)

Two hours later, we got out of there. But not before Hubs almost didn’t pass the eye test. That would have sucked.

A hysterical conversation about carrying a weapon and protecting one’s bum was had on the way home, but I cannot repeat any of it here. Let’s just sum up: I was right, he was not so right. My bum is insecure whilst walking to the truck after work.

So I get to work and Bueno told me that she’s looking for the Jew-pacabra and I almost lost it. You’ll have to ask her to explain, or read her blog if/when she posts it.

And this afternoon was wrapped up by a ridiculous conversation including super straight golf balls, why Chik-Fil-A would love them, Steve Carrell, and urinal cakes. I know... you have no idea how we got from Chik-Fil-A to urinal cakes either, but we did. JJ summed it up best with "I'm not going to take drinking advice from a urinal cake."

Finally, I had to get a new bike helmet to protect my "big brain" (as Hubs calls it) so I made a stop at Wally World. (Jebus, I hate Wally World.) I was hoping for a super cute, fun one, but they don't make them in adult sizes. So I ended up with this:

I think I have a Dudley Do-Right chin in this pic. But, as Bueno would say, my eyebrows look fantastic!

Until the West Nile mosquitos are gone and it's not Agent Orange rated allergens outside, my new helmet is living on The David.

He's got a lot going on. 

*I wouldn’t eat tater tots anyway because they are bad for you and fattening and make me have to work out harder with Amazon Amy.
Well, maybe I had one or two...

My Brain Wouldn't Shut Up - 5:30am

I have to finish that deck.

What if no one shows up at the Polo game?

It’s too hot, I need to take off this blanket.

The trick to nekkid sleeping is keeping your butt covered.

Maybe I’d be more comfortable with the blankets all the way on up to my neck but my feet sticking out the bottom?

If an alien showed up right now to take me and the boopins off to another planet, I’d totally go.

Why is Tommy deaf, dumb and blind? That’s too much for one kid.

I want an espresso.

Did I transfer the sheets into the dryer?

Urgh, I cannot forget to pay that bill this morning.

Maybe I should get up and go to the gym.

I wish I could wake up without belly fat.

I want to stay here in bed.

On Horses, Guns and Arnold. Not Related.

Debating with the Hubster about the Equestrian portion of the Olympics. Does the rider just train, hold the reigns and guide? Is that as athletic as a runner? Does it require the skill and finesse of a diver? Shouldn't the pony get the gold, they do all the work?

If I had more energy, I would research all this. But I'm still exhausted from the ridiculous two hour boot camp yesterday morning. Oh Amazon Amy, you are so evil.

We went to the range with Brad and Devo, I spent 20 minutes before I had to get out of there. The heat was too much. It was crowded (Church of Shooting is pretty popular on Sunday morning.) And someone was firing a cannon.

Now I have a hankering to watch the original Total Recall but I can't find it on Fios.

Sleepy. Weird week

BOOOM! There went a chunk of the ceiling...

I ditched my Amazon Amy workout this morning. 

Instead, Hubster and I met up with my cousin Ringo at the gun range this morning. (Ringo is not his real name. I mean, could you imagine my Aunt naming her son Ringo? Well, first you would have to know my Aunt Nan, but still... who names their kid Ringo? Mrs. Starr did, but I think after 1965, you can't do that to a child. He got the name "Ringo" because he used to wear circular blue-tinted glasses like John Lennon. A friend got confused and started calling him after the wrong Beatle. It stuck. Hubs calls him Ringo. I call him Brad. His first name is actually William. It's a long story...)

Hubster is on left, Ringo on the right. He's a tall dude, I want to say 6'7 or something; today he was shooting a 40 caliber and 9 mm semi-automatic. Hubs had his 44 and brought along two 12 gauge shotguns. 

This is one of the shotguns that he MacGyver'd himself. Removed the stock and put in a pistol grip pump, then for funsies he painted it camo. Made for CQB (close quarter battles). 

I got in a little bit o shooting myself with my .38, then Hubs wanted me to shoot a couple rounds with the shotgun.

I'd like to say the center shot was mine, but it's not. I think I hit the upper left on this target. Then the second one I hit the ceiling of the range. Whoopsie daisy!

The Workout Where I Took Over the Music

Texts late last night between me and Amazon Amy.

G: Can I bring a playlist tomorrow? for music? hardcore rock and good stuff.
AA: Yes :))))
G: Okay, that makes me even more excited to work out. Who's your favorite band?
AA: Great! I like it all.
G: Well the Prom Queen is bringing music that will make the dudes sweat.
AA: Haha!!! Perfect!!! See you at 9:30.
G: Let's see how Red and Michael like it. They'll either be energized or want to work harder to get away from the music. NIN. Roots. Korn. ACDC.

So I plugged in my iPad and this was the workout tuneage.

It's a Long Way to the Top - ACDC
Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Taos - Menomena
Give It All - Rise Against
Quiet Little Voices - We Were Promised Jetpacks
Hysteria - Muse
Spot Light - Mute Math
Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy (Amy really liked this one.)
Re-Education (Through Labor) - Rise Against
The Police are Coming - Crystal Method
Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
Listen to Your Love - Mona
I Wish (I Believe) - Franka Potente
Breathe - Telepopmusic

The Return of Amazon Amy

It is appropriate that my last post was about the cheesy-deliciousness that was Friday's breakfast, because I suffered all the more for it on Saturday morning.

I got to the gym at 9:40, about ten minutes later than I should have. Amy had three other people working through their rotation. I jumped on the treadmill and walked for 5 minutes to warm up, then she came to collect me with her ridiculous smile and bubbly attitude.
"Ready?!" 
I wanted to say "No, of course not. I want to go back to bed. I feel horrible and I don't like you." But I forced a smile and followed her to the weights.

She put me through a pretty good rotation and I was keeping up. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 10 am, so I figured I had one more rotation left.

Nope.

She calls out to everyone to grab their things and follow her outside. Oh sweet brown, what are we in for? We walk outside and then left, into the newly expanded part of the gym I had not seen. Apparently in the three weeks since I've worked out, they've taken over more of the building. A big open space with kettle balls, Bosu, rope things, I don't even know the names for what I'm looking at.

There are five of us and she gets us started on what I will call "the cranker" - in which you are peddling with your arms instead of legs. Then we are doing some exercise she calls a Turkish something or other and the sweat is pouring off me. Then 8 count body builders. I believe this is about the time that I screamed out, "I hate you Amy!" and she just laughed and laughed; I'd say maniacally laughed, now that I think about it. Then Bosum jumps. Moving over to squats with a kettle ball... a horrible full body exercise where I can literally see the sweat impression left on the mat from my back and butt. Ewwwe.

Did I mention that I'm the worst one in the group? (Well of course, I haven't worked out in three weeks.) There's a 40-somemthing gal with red hair who is wearing weight gloves; her name is Diane but everyone calls her Red. Then a 50-something dude with super-toned muscles and just a bit of a belly; he's loud and makes a lot of noise when he's exerting energy. A 60-something dude that is fit and spry. A 20-something Asian woman that I have no idea why she is there becuase she's got a great body. And then me... Ms. Chubbs McChubberson.

Long story short (too late) We weren't done until 11 am. So I got an intense 1 1/2 hour long workout.   As I was stumbling out of the building, Red asked me "So we going to see you again next Saturday?"

Yup. I'll be there.