Red Mahogany Gel Stain, $10. Explaining that you aren't a sociopath, PRICELESS!

The Great Master Bathroom Remodel of 2010 has begun! What have I learned so far?

1) Keep a notepad & pencil with you at all times. This is for your master list of things to purchase, measurements, ideas and ANYTHING else that you will need to reference at Home Depot.

2) Speaking of Home Depot, this is great for lumber and supplies. Not so varied on the fixtures, accessories and pretty-pretty stuff. Shop around. Go to Lowes for the lighting and cabinet handles.

3) BEFORE you leave the store, call home. Make sure that you have everything that needs to be bought; check in that something new hasn’t happened or ask if soda/lunch is needed. Because when you get a call 2 minutes from home and your hubby needs Red Mahogany Gel Stain, it’s not that much fun to flip a U and go back to the store again.

4) And when you get back to that store you’ve already visited 5 times in one day, this is KEY! Make friends with the cashier and floor people. You’re going to be seeing a lot of them, and it helps when a relationship is built (pun intended.) Fifty customers will all be vying for Ryon the Paint Guy’s attention… then you walk over, give a wave, and he drops it all to help you find that dang Red Mahogany Gel Stain. You’ve just saved 20 minutes.

5) Think ahead. If you’re going to be working with Red Mahogany Gel Stain, it would make a heck of a lot of sense to purchase that paint thinner and acetone in the same trip, right? Otherwise, you’ll be driving BACK to Home Depot in a few hours, covered in what looks like blood, and Ryon will be laughing his ass off while he hands you a can.

6) Which brings me to appearances: Walking into Home Depot covered in red bloody paint stains may get a look or two. But hey, it’s Home Depot! Everyone is working on projects and this is your badge of honor as a Weekend Warrior. But you may want to rethink how it’s going to look when you walk into CVS and ask the Manager, “If I was a box cutter, where would I be?” He's going to take one look, believe you have murdered someone, and need to cut up the body parts. Pretty difficult to explain to him why you are covered in Red Mahogany Gel Stain and need a utility knife to cut up carpet at 9pm on a Saturday. I’m just saying…