January Wall Quotes

Here's a recap of the latest work sayings that made it on "The Wall".

What's that beeping? (it's me) We're going to call you G-3P0 from now on. 
I'd be Cap'n Crunch... cause I like the hat. 
What's that pregnancy hormone? THC?
Teamwork makes the dream work!
And then I came out of the closet...
Love is like a fart. If you have to push it, it's probably s**t. 
Can I tell you how much fun I has taking out your balls and playing with them?

RELEASE THE SCRAPPLE!
If it burns when you pee, you gotta stop.
(singing) I second that emulsion!
I look much, much better when I have a bra on.
(How to make a flow chart for labor) PUSH! Did it come out? NO. PUSH! Did it come out? NO.
Sorry, but I'm not the only person in this room who's had a penis in his mouth. 
(Turning on the screen saver to a fireside scene.) I figuratively, and quite literally, keep the fire going!
Being pregnant is like being stoned 24/7 with the munchies.
It's like the Last Supper! But with less dying. 

That smells great! What is that?
Island Nectar.
Eyelid nectar?
Eyelid nectar, the tears of god...

It's DANCE OFF PANTS OFF!
I knew something in the milk ain't clean!
(singing) Feeling Grube!
No, it's in there but you're going to push it to the side. 
They could get lei'd!
I'ma be his Christian Grey!
You have it in your mouth, but you're probably going to spit it out...
That's why you need to be friends with Barbara and get access to her secret closet.
It was like 50 shades of Don.
Of all the women's shoes I've tried on, those are the most comfortable. 

Real Work Convo, Part 12414:

It all started with a conversation that I was not a part of... 

Email from a male teammate to the whole team:

For all of you who were poking fun at me yesterday regarding my dry hands.  Forever Midnight is a real collection with legitimate triple moisture cream from Bath and Body Works.  My wife tells me, it ended up in our bathroom cabinet because a few years back it was a gift from a distance family member. 

I don’t know much about cream….but I can say it didn’t do a very good job.

Forever Midnight

Also I forgot to tell you…it smells horrible.  Not to mention the name Forever Midnight is terrible.

Response from McCoates:

Sounds like a name for a Victoria Secret line.

Response from me:

No, I’m going to go with Harlequin Romance. 

What do you think?

December Wall Quotes

These make touching more fun!

I have a backwards E.T. head.

Dylan brought the balls.

Who brought the Pig Popper?

Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.

Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!

Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.

Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.

Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?

You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.

These are high end premium balls!

So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?

You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

Well, THAT'S Not a good sound!

I’m sitting at my desk this afternoon, doing my googlies, and shift in my seat. All of a sudden, I hear the tell-tale riiiiiiiiiiiiiip. I think to myself, Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!

I stand up and feel by buttocks area… there is a fuzzy delineation between one portion of my jeans and the other.  (These are a pair of my favorite jeans, I paid almost $100 for them {Seven brand} and love wearing them.  Granted, as I have lost quite a bit of weight, they don’t really fit right in the buttock area… my colleagues were getting frustrated and said I had a saggy bottom.  I went out and bought new jeans that fit, but those are in the hamper and need to be washed.  Running late this morning, I just grabbed this pair. Anywhoooooo…)  

I cautiously walked over to MM’s cube where KelBel and MM were chatting.

KelBel: What’s wrong? Your face is bright red.

Me: Ummm, how bad is it?

I turn around and both break into giggles.

Me: That bad??

KelBel: (Still giggling) No, no. Only when you point it out.

MM: Yeah, you can barely notice. (smirking)

KelBel: Let’s find some duct tape.

We couldn’t find duct tape.  So here I sit. With plastic packing tape on the inside of my pants that makes noises.  I bet people think I’m wearing a diaper.  I’d go home and change but there’s only an hour left to the day.  

I’m going to be called Tapey Butt for the rest of the month, I can tell.

Overheard in the Office - Q3 2012

• Water is GOOD for you!
• Is her a lot older than you? 
• I don't know how to land a plane. You don't know how to brand something. Go land a &$%&(@)# plane!
• It's called SMART but there's nothing smart about their org chart. 
• We CAN stand peeing, but we don't want to. But it's a great quad work out. 
• These people aren't camping here. 
• It's all about the human touch.
• That's why the she-urinal didn't catch on. 
• I have a date with an 85 year old. so it should wrap up early.
• Well, I don't crave dirt so....
• I couldn't get enough suger in my pie-hole.
• Oh, Bernie does! See? There's another black guy who golfs.
• Omigod, funeral homes are way too trusting.

I'M IN CHARGE!!!!

Of the seven people on our work team, four are offsite for various business; leaving only myself, Tom and JJ behind to be all "markety". To add to that, Adame isn't here either, so it's really, really quiet.

I like days like today. I get a lot of random stuff done. Like trimming back my plant.

 Stevie* has been looking pretty sad. I think I need to replant with fresh soil so it is getting more nutrients. I opted to cut back its stems and get to the freshy fresh leaves. Maybe if Stevie got REAL light instead of fluorescent, it would do better. As they say in Montreal, "c'est la vie."





* Stevie has not indicated if it is male or female, so we are holding out any assumptions of gender.

What's wrong with this picture?

Or maybe it is... tell me what is AWESOME about this picture?

Fun with Paint

A few days ago, KelBel sent out a fun email with a bunch of random facts in it.

This was the first "fact". 

All it did was make me want a Big Mac.

Today, Trish the Dish brought in homemade cinnamon rolls from the Pioneer Woman stole my Grandma Oklahoma's  recipe.

 

It was my birthday request (which is tomorrow... you still have 24 hours to buy me something. Imjustsayin.)

And since I needed to check the nutritional facts so I knew how much insulin I need...

(skip this part if you don't want to scream in horror)

 OH MY FLIBBERTY GIBBERTY SUGARY BALLS!!! AREYOUFREAKINGKIDDINGME?!?!?!

So I made this.