Thursday, May 31, 2012

Bueno-burg Makes Her Theatrical Debut


Corporate Flexible Payroll, Barbara speaking. Just a moment. (Repeats that over and over)

Bueno comes up to Adame. Has a mug of coffee in hand, blue shirt and red suspenders. Yellow spotted tie. Bad 80s glasses)


Hello, Adame. What's happening? Uh… we have sort of a problem here. Yeah. You appar-ently didn't put one of the new coversheets on your SFDC reports.


Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I, I forgot.


Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that will be great. And Uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. Mmmm, Ok?

She walks away.

Best Part of Waking Up

Hubster is making me breakfast. Super yummy Eggy-in-the-Basket. I come out from bedroom dressed for work.

Me: Do I look smart in this?
Hubs, not looking up: Yup.
Me: How smart?
Hubs, focusing on skillet: Super smart.
Me: Ridiculously smart?
Hubs, still not looking: Hermione Granger smart.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

To the Ex Who Won't Leave One of My Three Readers Alone

Hey you!
Ya big fat jerkhead.
What do ya think you're doing?
She's not with you any more.
You don't get a say in ANYTHING she does.
It's O.V.E.R.
Go away.
That's right, I'm talking to YOU, idiot!
We're all laughing at you.
Pathetic machismo.
Buh-bye now.

Trying to pick up the pace

Trying to make it so I never see your face again

Time to throw this away

Wanna make sure that you never waste my time again

Please just let me go now...

On Time Music Monday - Imagine Dragons "It's Time"

Heard this on 91.7 on Saturday afternoon on the way to the range.

Hubs: Who are you texting baby?
Me: Myself. I like this song and I don't want to forget it.
Hubs: So you're texting yourself the lyrics?
Me: Wull... ya?
Hubs: That's quite brilliant, actually.
Me: I have my moments.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Channelling My Inner Stefon

New York’s hottest club is Unconditional Love. Don’t be thrown off when you’re greeted by a sequined singer that looks like drunk, skinny Santa. You’re in the right place.

Director, P.J. Hogan, has thought of everything. Rupert Everett crawling through bushes. Serial killing window washers. Julie Andrews. Midgets in red raincoats. Jerry Springer endings. Whistling Barry Manilow tunes…
Go in expecting nothing and be pleasantly entertained.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Very Belated Music Monday - Nancy Sinatra

In honor of my big girl boots, which did some mighty fine stomping this week.

Directions to Adame's "House"

Go north on Josey Lane for 5 miles

Get on 121


Get on some a$$backward farm road that probably isn’t paved

Keep an eye out for the one-eyed scarecrow

Drink a beer

Eventually end up at the Farm at the other side of the Universe.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Take THAT Winchell's!

(sing songy)

Breakfast, breakfast. Yummy nummy breakfast.

Breakfast, breakfast. Nom nom noms.

You are jealous. Cause I gets my breakfast.

From my colleague, his name is Nam.

So, last Friday was NamNamNam's (aka: Nam) turn to bring in Breakfast to the work group.
Sometimes we get bagels. Sometimes kolaches. But THIS time we got donuts!
Ridiculously AWESOME donuts!

I took the one in the upper right, it was all covered in sweet oreo crumbs to resemble dirt and had a gummy worm sticking out of it.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Music Monday - Sleeping At Last

Rather apropos for today.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Music Monday - Bad Case of Love, BB King

When I was younger, I was quite skeptical of what I saw in the movies being "real". I didn't believe in E.T., thought the big ball of rock chasing after Indy was ridiculous, and always had issues with Data's inventions working 1) even lifting his body weight off the ground and 2) working in the first place.

So when I saw a cartoon where Elmer Fudd slipped on a banana peel, I had to know for sure. I wolfed down a banana, threw the peel on the floor, took a running start and stepped squarely on it.

To say that I slipped and slid would be an understatement.  To say my poor ten-year old bum hurt for a week, is not.

With no correlation that I can find, here is today's Music Monday selection: Bad Case of Love by BB King.  Perhaps BB King likes bananas? Maybe one of the "B"s stands for Banana.  This song might be playing at a Banana Republic right now... discuss.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Watching Bill Maher

Hubs: did he just say the Vulcans?

Me: no babes, the Balkans.

Hubs: okay, phew. Cause would have been weird. A war on the Vulcans.

Me: Spock would be ticked.

Hubs: Well, it's May the Fourth.

Me: Wrong Scifi history. That's Star Wars. May the Forth be with you.

Hubs: And also with you.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

And a Disco Ball... Proportionately Sized

When designing your new workspace, or "Career Stations" one must think of all the items you would want to have if the sky was the limit.

Career Station Space
- Table that can seat 8, hardwood, smooth surface
o To be used within the career stations as a collaboration zone for proofing mechanicals, going over workflow, creative brain-storming… so that if we need to answer our phone or get to computer, it’s easier than locking ourselves in the control room

- Touchscreen with internet connectivity on the enclosed wall space
- Paper Recycling station!!!
- Digital color printer / scanner
- New leather office chairs that are ergonomically built for our career station
- Selection of plants (at least one per person)
o Because oxygen and color and living things are good

- Marketing only smallish refrigerator – that can hold OUR food not to mention back up insulin – this is huge because we can’t trust our meds to the common room fridge
- Mini bar that we could have a cocktail on Friday evenings or a glass of wine
- If they remove the file cabinets along the walls, we need our own file cabinets – in a BIG way

Common area
- Three cushy sofas and/or chairs plus a low coffee table
- Hi-definition SMART television, with cable, with internet access
o To access Bloomberg TV and CNN

- Remote keyboard and mouse system
- Magazine rack and a newspaper rack to hold our advertising materials
- Pop up – like what we take to events to display collateral
- Three Floor lamps, strategically placed so that we can turn off the overhead lights
- Three floor pillows
- Multipanel screen that can be placed across a gap for added privacy – note: not permanent, but like a Shoji screen
- XBOX 360 w/Kinect - for team building, letting off stress
- Wii gaming system, along with an assortment of team building games like Wii Sports
- Dartboard
- Disco ball – proportionate to the space
- Plastic plants and Festivus pole
- 40-gallon Aquarium with live fish
- Assortment of games like Pictionary (along with standup easel that is whiteboard), CLUE, RISK, Stratego, Battleship, Scrabble

I don't think that's too much to ask.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The One Where I Crashed a Wedding

I was ridiculously fortunate enough to stay at a five-star resort in Los Cabos, Mexico last weekend. It was for work, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Yes, I have an amazingly awesome job.

On the final night, when all "work" stuff had been completed and I could let go of some steam, I had a "couple" of drinks with a partner in crime. To protect his identity, I'll call him Matthew.

So it's about 11pm or so, maybe 10pm (see earlier reference to a "couple" of drinks... meaning 5+ glasses of champagne.) We get back to the resort, I couldn't tell you much about the ride back as I don't really remember it; but I am sure I was witty and charming and true to my loquatious, egocentric, know-it-all self. Matthew and I (well maybe just me) decide to continue drinking.

Now let me take a step back. Earlier in the day, we saw the wedding nuptials of a gorgeous couple from far, far away. I wasn't snooping, it was on the property. We were all excited for them and wanted to share in the moment, even if from hundreds of yards away. When Matthew and I got back to the resort, the wedding guests were partying on the beach. Music blaring, dancing couples, it looked like a fantastic affair.

It was at this point that I decided we were going to crash the wedding.

(I'm making up this dialogue as best as I remember.)

Me, grabbing a bottle of champagne: C'mon Matt, we're gonna crash a party.
Matthew: What???
Me, grabbing his hand: Yup. Let's go.

Matthew was doubtful and a little concerned, so I made up a story as we walked down to the beach and onto the red carpet.
Me: You're my brother. We're vacationing together. Got it?
Matthew: This isn't going to work.
Me: Oh yes it is. It's going to be fun. Don't worry.
(I think he was more worried about my mental health.)

We walk right down the red carpet and into the crowd, I asked one of the guests where the groom was. She pointed to a tall, handsome black dude. I strode over with champagne in hand.

Me: Hi! Congratulations! My brother and I are guests here and just thought we'd come wish you a wonderful beginning to your new life! (I'd like to note here that the champagne was already paid for so I wouldn't be able to get the money back or ship it home. Just saying.) We brought champagne! Love to toast with you and your new bride!
Groom: (stunned) OHMIGOD! BABY! BABY! BABY! (looking around in the crowd) WIFEY! WIFEY! WIFEY!

This went on a few moments while I popped the champagne and got flutes. The bride came over, absolutely gorgeous by the way, and the groom said we came to toast with them. She gave me a huge hug and I whispered congratulations in her ear and that I was so happy for her. We all toasted. I think Matthew might have introduced himself. Then the sparklers came out and it was time for them to leave.

Matthew and I melded to the back of the crowd, watching as the happy couple left. One of the bride's sisters came over to chat with us. We had a few more drinks and then slunk away back up the beach.

Matthew: It was Vincent and Candice.
Me: What?
Matthew: That's the name of the couple that got married, Vincent and Candice.
Me: Oh? Cool!

On Monday I learned that the groom was a Pro Football Player. He and his bride were childhood sweethearts and had a young son together. This makes me happy. I'd like to think they are going to receive their wedding photos from the onsite photographer, see them toasting with two white kids they don't know, and say WTF?

Congrats you two.

Belated Music Monday - Kool A.D. La Pinata

This one goes out to Adame. Who gave me two options this week for Music Monday. And both videos were pretty effed up. This was the least objectionable. And shorter... But if you want to see the other one, it's called "Hey Jane" by Spiritualized

The Return of Tie Tuesday

I did not partake. Remember when Tie Tuesday jumped the shark? Maybe it will make an eventual return. But I doubt it.