Monday, December 31, 2012

December Wall Quotes

These make touching more fun!
I have a backwards E.T. head.
Dylan brought the balls.
Who brought the Pig Popper?
Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.
Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!
Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.
Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.
Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?
You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.
These are high end premium balls!
So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?
You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Dr. Who and Annoying Suzeroo

(Set up: Suzeroo is a big Dr. Who fan.   My Hubs remembers the series from the 60's and 70's.  I've never watched them.  I started texting Suzeroo and apparently it got a bit annoying.  The conversation below is a re-created version of what happened.)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Don't Want to Be the Humbug!

Context: I’m on the Social Committee and am reporting the winners of the holiday raffles happening today.  There are quite a few people who really REALLY want to win a new iPad or a gift certificate.  I feel for them, I do.  But with 800 employees and only 30 gifts, the chances are rather slim.  I got this email in my Social Committee inbox….

From: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:45 PM
To: Social Committee
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

Mrs. Claus?

If you have any compassion in your heart, you will pull my name from the drawing bowl.

I have never “won” anything at X – been here a long time – and have been really good this year!

If I don’t win, then I am going to revert back to my ole “bad ways” and enjoy myself !!!!

Any questions, Mrs. Claus?

Your “Good” Girl Downstairs

From: Social Committee
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:47 PM
To: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

GG Downstairs,

Unfortunately I have zero hand in picking the winners.  That task was left to Mama Christmas herself, Ms. X (President).  Sadly, I only report the wins (of which I am ineligible.) L  I feel your pain GG Downstairs.  Let’s crack open a bottle of wine and go ahead and be bad.

Mrs. Claus

From: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:51 PM
To: Social Committee
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

We are sad to report that the former GG Downstairs has left the building and gone back to her lascivious ways (and she’s old enough to know what that word means)  !!  

She asked not to be contacted unless:  (1) she FINALLY won something or, (2) a chilled Santa Margehrita Pinot Grigio was left in an ice bucket outside her door!!

Take that, Mrs. Claus !!  

Executive Assistant to the former GG Downstairs

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

What I Learned in the Month of... whatever.

South Indians have really long consonant heavy names.
Pankaj is pronounced Punk-edge.
Lengha = sari for a chubby girl.
There’s a Michael’s near me.
Adame learned about squishy poops.
In the future, everyone will have 15 minutes of privacy.
Garfield County Regional (RIL, called Rifle) is the backup FBO for Aspen.
People kill pheasants, not doggies.
Who are you and what have you done with Theresa?
Trish buys Mike his nuts.
Parul Patel’s family is in Jersey.
Vegetables are massive in Alaska.
“Doing it” for 30 minutes burns 100 calories.
The human Ken doll has had over 90 surgeries.

Belated Music Monday - Giving Up the Gun by Vampire Weekend

It would be too obvious if I posted "Holiday".

Friday, December 14, 2012

This Goes Out to My Peeps

Remember, remember all we fight for.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Teh Awesomest If I Say So Myself (Which I Do)

A couple of us in the Marketing Department each received a present from one of our agencies. It was in a constructed box that I ripped apart in a matter of seconds. Little did I know that the directions were printed on the inside of the box I had just ripped.  Whoopsie daisy.

Inside I found at least 50 pieces of cardboard that could be used to make a cool airplane.  Since the directions were shredded, and I'm not one to follow directions anyway, I decided to make my own Time Machine.

How cool is that??? 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Music Monday - Russian Christmas Music by Alfred Reed

It's that time of year... the time for RUSSIAN CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Well, THAT'S Not a good sound!

I’m sitting at my desk this afternoon, doing my googlies, and shift in my seat. All of a sudden, I hear the tell-tale riiiiiiiiiiiiiip. I think to myself, Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!

I stand up and feel by buttocks area… there is a fuzzy delineation between one portion of my jeans and the other.  (These are a pair of my favorite jeans, I paid almost $100 for them {Seven brand} and love wearing them.  Granted, as I have lost quite a bit of weight, they don’t really fit right in the buttock area… my colleagues were getting frustrated and said I had a saggy bottom.  I went out and bought new jeans that fit, but those are in the hamper and need to be washed.  Running late this morning, I just grabbed this pair. Anywhoooooo…)  

I cautiously walked over to MM’s cube where KelBel and MM were chatting.
KelBel: What’s wrong? Your face is bright red.
Me: Ummm, how bad is it?
I turn around and both break into giggles.
Me: That bad??
KelBel: (Still giggling) No, no. Only when you point it out.
MM: Yeah, you can barely notice. (smirking)
KelBel: Let’s find some duct tape.

We couldn’t find duct tape.  So here I sit. With plastic packing tape on the inside of my pants that makes noises.  I bet people think I’m wearing a diaper.  I’d go home and change but there’s only an hour left to the day.  

I’m going to be called Tapey Butt for the rest of the month, I can tell.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Belated Music Monday - "Shoulders of Fortune" by This Ground Moves

Music Monday was belated for absolutely no good reason.  Adame suggested this song  ... which is now stuck in my head. "I'm at the Pizza Hut. I'm at the Taco Bell. I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell."

But no. No Das Racist. We are going with something infinitely more wordy.

Also heard on CSI: NY.  Wow, I am now sourcing music from a crime show whereas I used to find underground songs from teh interwebs. How suburban I've become.