*knock at my door*
50-ish gentleman in a nice suit standing outside my door with a smile and a brochure. I sense salesman.
He: Hello ma'am. I'm so-and-so from such-and-such and wanted to talk to you* about X. How are you today?
Me: (warily) Fine, and you?
He: Well I'm just dandy**! I'm here today because we're having a spectacular deal that your neighbors have been taking advantage of and wanted you to learn more.*** Is your husband home?****
* Talk to me? Or talk at me? Not talk with me?
** No one says dandy.
*** I don't care what my neighbors are buying. I don't even know my neighbors.
**** What does that have to do with anything? Why would he need to be here? What if he just passed away tragically and you reminded me of it. Or, what if I was a lesbian?
Showing posts with label scary neighbors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary neighbors. Show all posts
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The One When Hubs Met The Neighbors
Hubs pulls up to the house and happens to notice that there is someone working on the scary house at the end of the street.
He gets out of the truck, sees the dude with a shovel finally leveling up the yard that we've been looking at for the last six years. Looks like multiple bodies are buried in the front yard. Kids at Halloween wouldn't even trick-or-treat there.
The dude gives Hubs the Universal chin raise... the what's up look.
Hubs walks down the street and says "How ya doin, Did you just get the place?"
Dude says "No man, this is my girls place. Just moved in."
"Looks good man, you're doing a great job."
"Thanks."
"Yeah, the people before you let the lawn grow crazy, like five feet high. It was known as the scary house. If you don't mind me asking, are you renting the place or did you buy it?"
"No, my girl owns it, but I just got over here."
"Oh that's cool. How long has she been here?"
"About four years."
Hubs thinks... Ohhhh... damn. "Well I've been in Cali for a while, so ummm... its been a while since I've seen the place welcome."
Hubs, recovering quickly... "Well anyway, welcome to the neighborhood." Reaching out his hand to welcome the dude with the former scary place. "What's your name man, I'm Chris."
"My name is Ca-londge-ah-nal"
Hubs stutters and thinks, colonostopy? Yeah, he had to walk away before spouting nonsense. He thought his name was a medical procedure.
Then walked away thinking, "What is wrong with me?"
He gets out of the truck, sees the dude with a shovel finally leveling up the yard that we've been looking at for the last six years. Looks like multiple bodies are buried in the front yard. Kids at Halloween wouldn't even trick-or-treat there.
The dude gives Hubs the Universal chin raise... the what's up look.
Hubs walks down the street and says "How ya doin, Did you just get the place?"
Dude says "No man, this is my girls place. Just moved in."
"Looks good man, you're doing a great job."
"Thanks."
"Yeah, the people before you let the lawn grow crazy, like five feet high. It was known as the scary house. If you don't mind me asking, are you renting the place or did you buy it?"
"No, my girl owns it, but I just got over here."
"Oh that's cool. How long has she been here?"
"About four years."
Hubs thinks... Ohhhh... damn. "Well I've been in Cali for a while, so ummm... its been a while since I've seen the place welcome."
Hubs, recovering quickly... "Well anyway, welcome to the neighborhood." Reaching out his hand to welcome the dude with the former scary place. "What's your name man, I'm Chris."
"My name is Ca-londge-ah-nal"
Hubs stutters and thinks, colonostopy? Yeah, he had to walk away before spouting nonsense. He thought his name was a medical procedure.
Then walked away thinking, "What is wrong with me?"
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