January Wall Quotes

Here's a recap of the latest work sayings that made it on "The Wall".

What's that beeping? (it's me) We're going to call you G-3P0 from now on. 
I'd be Cap'n Crunch... cause I like the hat. 
What's that pregnancy hormone? THC?
Teamwork makes the dream work!
And then I came out of the closet...
Love is like a fart. If you have to push it, it's probably s**t. 
Can I tell you how much fun I has taking out your balls and playing with them?

RELEASE THE SCRAPPLE!
If it burns when you pee, you gotta stop.
(singing) I second that emulsion!
I look much, much better when I have a bra on.
(How to make a flow chart for labor) PUSH! Did it come out? NO. PUSH! Did it come out? NO.
Sorry, but I'm not the only person in this room who's had a penis in his mouth. 
(Turning on the screen saver to a fireside scene.) I figuratively, and quite literally, keep the fire going!
Being pregnant is like being stoned 24/7 with the munchies.
It's like the Last Supper! But with less dying. 

That smells great! What is that?
Island Nectar.
Eyelid nectar?
Eyelid nectar, the tears of god...

It's DANCE OFF PANTS OFF!
I knew something in the milk ain't clean!
(singing) Feeling Grube!
No, it's in there but you're going to push it to the side. 
They could get lei'd!
I'ma be his Christian Grey!
You have it in your mouth, but you're probably going to spit it out...
That's why you need to be friends with Barbara and get access to her secret closet.
It was like 50 shades of Don.
Of all the women's shoes I've tried on, those are the most comfortable. 

December Wall Quotes

These make touching more fun!

I have a backwards E.T. head.

Dylan brought the balls.

Who brought the Pig Popper?

Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.

Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!

Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.

Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.

Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?

You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.

These are high end premium balls!

So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?

You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

***SPOILER ALERT***

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE SHOW "AMERICAN HORROR STORY" AND YOU ARE WATCHING THE SECOND SEASON STOP READING THIS NOW.

Okay, so here's the deal-o. The whole crew went out to lunch and on the way back, JJ was talking about the show he watches "American Horror Story" (AHS) and how great it is; people in a mental institution run by nuns and a doctor who stole a lesbian and rapes her... et cetera.  I told him that I'm not a horror fan. (That's an understatement.  I think I had nightmares for weeks after seeing Stephen King's "IT".  I remember "Ernest Goes to Camp" was scary for some reason too.  Seriously, I. Don't. Do. Horror.)

So I'm doing my googlies and my reader feed came up with something on AHS.

Me: (shouting over cube walls) Hey JJ, weren't you saying something about AHS earlier today?
JJ: Yeah, why? (He walks over to my cube.)
Me: There's something here about Dylan McDermott and a Bloody Face?
JJ: Wait what? Dylan McDermott is Bloody Face?
Me: Uh, I don't know. This just came into my reader feed.
JJ: G, you totally just spoiled the entire season for me. (chuckling with frustration.)
Me: I did?  OHMIGODIMSOSORRYIHADNOIDEA! (slams palms on the screen so he can't see anything)
JJ: Well, it may not be true, right? Don't worry about it.
Me: (pretty sure it's true since there was a photo accompanying the article) Uh, yeah maybe. I'm REALLY sorry!
JJ: Sorry that you ruined my life? This is like, the only show I watch. (he's still chuckling in the JJ way he does, and isn't super angry, but I feel awful and totally ruined it for him.)
Me: You can spoil something for me! Like a book or something.
JJ: Yeah okay. You bring in a book and read the first half and then I'll read the last chapter to you outloud.


I have to go to spoiler alert jail and be punished. Hopefully not by nuns in a mental institution. 

Strong Enough for a Man, but Made for a Woman

Recently, I went with Trish the Dish to Staples to pick up some supplies (SUPPLIES!!!) for work.  Walking past the pen area, I noticed the new "Bic for Her" pens. Yes, the much joked about lady-pens. A much better written posting about Bic for Her pens

I. Had. To. Have. Them.

Initially, I gave them to JJ as a joke. But he is far too manly to use them. Likely, his deathly gorilla grip man paws would break the writing instruments into a thousand sad pink and purple shards. So I not-so-secretly took them back and decided to keep for myself.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to start with the purple or the pink first. Being the VERY girly girl that I am*, I decided to go back and forth between the two like a cheap harlot. Taking both pens in hand, I dialed in to a conference call and got ready to take notes.

Little did I know, Bic for Her pens have been magically enchanted for ladies!

I couldn't seem to write about the latest sales forecast and measured media impressions; instead I ended up with a scary looking pig, a unicorn, roses and a rainbow!  OMIGOD Bic Pen for Her? What the frak!

Next I took the pens to Adame to see what would happen if he used the super special lady-pens.

"Bic for her pen and in two colors!!! What makes this different from a regular pen? It's a nice pen, for a girl. - Adame"

So apparently men can still communicate effectively with the Bic for Her pens. Albeit, in two colors and a slightly sexist way.

Bic for Her pens. Next up: Bic for her staple removers.




*So not a girly girl.

Overheard in the Office - Q3 2012

• Water is GOOD for you!
• Is her a lot older than you? 
• I don't know how to land a plane. You don't know how to brand something. Go land a &$%&(@)# plane!
• It's called SMART but there's nothing smart about their org chart. 
• We CAN stand peeing, but we don't want to. But it's a great quad work out. 
• These people aren't camping here. 
• It's all about the human touch.
• That's why the she-urinal didn't catch on. 
• I have a date with an 85 year old. so it should wrap up early.
• Well, I don't crave dirt so....
• I couldn't get enough suger in my pie-hole.
• Oh, Bernie does! See? There's another black guy who golfs.
• Omigod, funeral homes are way too trusting.

I'M IN CHARGE!!!!

Of the seven people on our work team, four are offsite for various business; leaving only myself, Tom and JJ behind to be all "markety". To add to that, Adame isn't here either, so it's really, really quiet.

I like days like today. I get a lot of random stuff done. Like trimming back my plant.

 Stevie* has been looking pretty sad. I think I need to replant with fresh soil so it is getting more nutrients. I opted to cut back its stems and get to the freshy fresh leaves. Maybe if Stevie got REAL light instead of fluorescent, it would do better. As they say in Montreal, "c'est la vie."





* Stevie has not indicated if it is male or female, so we are holding out any assumptions of gender.

Work Art

Thanks JJ for my "Hang in There" kitty.

A couple of Jebus moments.

Saturday morning I had boot camp with Amazon Amy. Since the weather was “nice” she thought we should start off with some laps around the building. (“Nice” being only 90 degrees.) I had a new, fresh playlist for the hour and it motivated the six of us. It was the usual gang (Red, Mike, Dennis, me) and two n00bs – a black couple in their thirties, didn’t get their names. Mike especially liked it when we got to “The Cave” by Mumford and Sons. Noted! Will get n00bsters names next week. I actually lapped them in the work out, so they're going to need to catch up. I excelled in abs and flexibility, not so much on cardio. I swear, if you removed all this chub, I'd have a rocking six pack.

After the workout, Hubster and I went to Bullet Trap for some funsies. Didn't even shower, went all grubby since I'd get GSR all over me anyway. When we got there, the line was ridiculously long and a 30 minute wait. WTF peeps? Ya’ll wanna go shooting on the same day at the same time now? Jebus. I was informed that my driver’s license had expired and technically they shouldn't let me on the range, BUT since I’m a member, it would slide THIS time. Thanks guys! We got lane 9 between two couples who couldn't shoot in the red at yards. Jebus. Either I'm getting MUCH better or they really stunk. Maybe it was a first date thing, I hear that's popular.

So now I have to get a new license. Today, went first thing to the DMV, or as Texas calls it: the Department of Public Safety. What they are trying to be safe about, I haven’t the foggiest. Monday morning and the line was at least 100+ people deep.

Left Hubster in the line (since he had to renew his as well) and went off to get some breakfast and a coffee. Came back with and got in line with him, he’d moved up quite a bit. He looks down at me and says “Really? You got Chik-Fil-A?” And I said loudly, “Oh crap. I bought homophobic food. Jebus!” *shakes fist at the sky* I only ate the chicken, threw the biscuit, tots and coffee away. Not that it makes it better, but it was symbolic. (The chicken died for my stomach, so I felt compelled to honor its death. The tater tots? Not so much.*)

Two hours later, we got out of there. But not before Hubs almost didn’t pass the eye test. That would have sucked.

A hysterical conversation about carrying a weapon and protecting one’s bum was had on the way home, but I cannot repeat any of it here. Let’s just sum up: I was right, he was not so right. My bum is insecure whilst walking to the truck after work.

So I get to work and Bueno told me that she’s looking for the Jew-pacabra and I almost lost it. You’ll have to ask her to explain, or read her blog if/when she posts it.

And this afternoon was wrapped up by a ridiculous conversation including super straight golf balls, why Chik-Fil-A would love them, Steve Carrell, and urinal cakes. I know... you have no idea how we got from Chik-Fil-A to urinal cakes either, but we did. JJ summed it up best with "I'm not going to take drinking advice from a urinal cake."

Finally, I had to get a new bike helmet to protect my "big brain" (as Hubs calls it) so I made a stop at Wally World. (Jebus, I hate Wally World.) I was hoping for a super cute, fun one, but they don't make them in adult sizes. So I ended up with this:

I think I have a Dudley Do-Right chin in this pic. But, as Bueno would say, my eyebrows look fantastic!

Until the West Nile mosquitos are gone and it's not Agent Orange rated allergens outside, my new helmet is living on The David.

He's got a lot going on. 

*I wouldn’t eat tater tots anyway because they are bad for you and fattening and make me have to work out harder with Amazon Amy.
Well, maybe I had one or two...