Music Monday - "Happy Hour" by The House Martins

This one is for Adame.

A few years ago on this weekend, we were in Santa Barbara with the rich folks, the drinks, and the polo ponies. Miss it?

Belated Music Monday - "Happy" by Pentatonix

Adame wanted me to have this be Monday's tune.
Rappin for Jesus

It's hilariously awful and inappropriate.

So let's do this instead.


Because this was already awesome.

January Wall Quotes

Here's a recap of the latest work sayings that made it on "The Wall".

What's that beeping? (it's me) We're going to call you G-3P0 from now on. 
I'd be Cap'n Crunch... cause I like the hat. 
What's that pregnancy hormone? THC?
Teamwork makes the dream work!
And then I came out of the closet...
Love is like a fart. If you have to push it, it's probably s**t. 
Can I tell you how much fun I has taking out your balls and playing with them?

RELEASE THE SCRAPPLE!
If it burns when you pee, you gotta stop.
(singing) I second that emulsion!
I look much, much better when I have a bra on.
(How to make a flow chart for labor) PUSH! Did it come out? NO. PUSH! Did it come out? NO.
Sorry, but I'm not the only person in this room who's had a penis in his mouth. 
(Turning on the screen saver to a fireside scene.) I figuratively, and quite literally, keep the fire going!
Being pregnant is like being stoned 24/7 with the munchies.
It's like the Last Supper! But with less dying. 

That smells great! What is that?
Island Nectar.
Eyelid nectar?
Eyelid nectar, the tears of god...

It's DANCE OFF PANTS OFF!
I knew something in the milk ain't clean!
(singing) Feeling Grube!
No, it's in there but you're going to push it to the side. 
They could get lei'd!
I'ma be his Christian Grey!
You have it in your mouth, but you're probably going to spit it out...
That's why you need to be friends with Barbara and get access to her secret closet.
It was like 50 shades of Don.
Of all the women's shoes I've tried on, those are the most comfortable. 

Music Monday - Mayer Hawthorne and Lou Reed

This was the planned song for Music Monday:


“It always bothers me to see people writing ‘RIP’ when a person dies. It just feels so insincere and like a cop-out. To me, ‘RIP’ is the microwave dinner of posthumous honours”
— Lou Reed

So I have to include this because Adame said I had to have a Lou song today.


And this is my favorite one.

Ad-hoc Music Monday - Smile by Tempo Bledsoe

Well that was... something.
Thanks Adame.

Music Monday - Hipster Disney Princess

Adame's birthday was this past weekend.  His desire was to meet up at Franconia Brewery in McKinney for the Saturday tour. I said I would go, though Hubster had to get some shut-eye before work. Bueno was going to be there too, so I definitely wanted to catch up outside of work.

I've been to Franconia before with Rhett and Stace; it was a few years ago and I think there was 25 or so of us on the tour.  Dennis (the Creator, Developer, Owner and Brew Master) is a passionate speaker and clearly loves the process to make the best beer. When I heard how emphatically he believes in quality control of the beer, I was all the more impressed.  Like I said, that was about two years ago.  Oh, how things change.

First, I got horrendously lost.  I drove 10 miles out of the way on the 75 North, getting stuck in construction going 3 miles an hour; so I had to turn around and go back. Then, I went the right way on 380 but not far enough and was confused and turned around, driving 15 miles in the wrong direction. Somewhere around this point my phone died and I cursed bloody hell.  I really regretted not taking the GPS out of the truck, or my phone charger from my other bag... both things that the Hubster had triple asked me before I left that I should grab.

Eventually, I figured it out and made it to Franconia. I was only 35 minutes late but there was still a massive line out the door. What the what?? Apparently, everyone aged 25 - 45 in the metropolis decided to visit today!  And not only that, 99% of them were Hipsters.

HIPSTERS?  Ohmygodyouhavegottobekiddingme! Here is just an assortment of the Hipster/DBaggery that was on display:

• Mutton chops
• Facial hair "art"
• Circa 1980's mustaches
• Layered shirts, vests and jackets
• Hand knitted scarfs, artfully draped
• Two tone hair
• Thick, black glasses
• Questionable hygiene
• Wearing a knitted soft hat
• Tie pins and tweed
• Unevenly chopped hair
• Leather messenger bags
• Ironic t-shirts Quasi-Steampunkers without irony
• Pocket watches
• Vans and Chuck Taylors

 *Sigh* And the worst part?  I realized belatedly that three of the things I "spotted" ... I was also wearing.

So here's the music for Monday... Hipster Disney Princess.



What else makes a Hipster?  Some thought starters:

• Raising chickens for fresh eggs
• Raising goats to make goat cheese
• Use of Tom's toothpaste
• Playing a banjo
• Calls their hat a "chapeau"
• Refuses to listen to "pop" music
• Can ride a unicycle
• Makes tea by straining leaves through a proper strainer
• Owns multiple bottles of various whiskies
• Calls anything artisanal or says they are an artisan
• Only owns vinyl records

Discuss.

December Wall Quotes

These make touching more fun!

I have a backwards E.T. head.

Dylan brought the balls.

Who brought the Pig Popper?

Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.

Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!

Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.

Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.

Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?

You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.

These are high end premium balls!

So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?

You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

Belated Music Monday - Tilly And The Wall "Heavy Mood"

Thanks Adame. I really dig it!

Strong Enough for a Man, but Made for a Woman

Recently, I went with Trish the Dish to Staples to pick up some supplies (SUPPLIES!!!) for work.  Walking past the pen area, I noticed the new "Bic for Her" pens. Yes, the much joked about lady-pens. A much better written posting about Bic for Her pens

I. Had. To. Have. Them.

Initially, I gave them to JJ as a joke. But he is far too manly to use them. Likely, his deathly gorilla grip man paws would break the writing instruments into a thousand sad pink and purple shards. So I not-so-secretly took them back and decided to keep for myself.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to start with the purple or the pink first. Being the VERY girly girl that I am*, I decided to go back and forth between the two like a cheap harlot. Taking both pens in hand, I dialed in to a conference call and got ready to take notes.

Little did I know, Bic for Her pens have been magically enchanted for ladies!

I couldn't seem to write about the latest sales forecast and measured media impressions; instead I ended up with a scary looking pig, a unicorn, roses and a rainbow!  OMIGOD Bic Pen for Her? What the frak!

Next I took the pens to Adame to see what would happen if he used the super special lady-pens.

"Bic for her pen and in two colors!!! What makes this different from a regular pen? It's a nice pen, for a girl. - Adame"

So apparently men can still communicate effectively with the Bic for Her pens. Albeit, in two colors and a slightly sexist way.

Bic for Her pens. Next up: Bic for her staple removers.




*So not a girly girl.

Overheard in the Office - Q3 2012

• Water is GOOD for you!
• Is her a lot older than you? 
• I don't know how to land a plane. You don't know how to brand something. Go land a &$%&(@)# plane!
• It's called SMART but there's nothing smart about their org chart. 
• We CAN stand peeing, but we don't want to. But it's a great quad work out. 
• These people aren't camping here. 
• It's all about the human touch.
• That's why the she-urinal didn't catch on. 
• I have a date with an 85 year old. so it should wrap up early.
• Well, I don't crave dirt so....
• I couldn't get enough suger in my pie-hole.
• Oh, Bernie does! See? There's another black guy who golfs.
• Omigod, funeral homes are way too trusting.

I'M IN CHARGE!!!!

Of the seven people on our work team, four are offsite for various business; leaving only myself, Tom and JJ behind to be all "markety". To add to that, Adame isn't here either, so it's really, really quiet.

I like days like today. I get a lot of random stuff done. Like trimming back my plant.

 Stevie* has been looking pretty sad. I think I need to replant with fresh soil so it is getting more nutrients. I opted to cut back its stems and get to the freshy fresh leaves. Maybe if Stevie got REAL light instead of fluorescent, it would do better. As they say in Montreal, "c'est la vie."





* Stevie has not indicated if it is male or female, so we are holding out any assumptions of gender.

The Tie Tuseday I Wasn't There

Today I am in Los Angeles for a work event that's going to be AWWWWWWESOOOOOME!

That said, I think Adame and Utah miss me.

They're feeling a little sideways though.

OMFG YOU MUST LOVE THIS BAND! SERYN

Seriously. Listen to the whole thing.
They're just up the road in Denton, Texas.
I don't know how to see them live, but I'll start googling to find out.
Craig Ferguson has to hear this.


91.7 has been playing it, I'm probably late on the band wagon (pun intended) as usual.
ADAME! Have your heard this?

Multiple Music Monday

Mystery Jets - Greatest Hits



XTC - A Ballet For a Rainy Day



Both from Adame.
Thanks yo.

Belated Music Monday - "How Soon Is Now" The Smiths

I am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else does.


UPDATED 7/26/12
Week has turned out to be a steaming pile of platypus poop.
Even Adame agrees.
This is the perfect song to wallow in the angry.

Tiny Bubbles... And Nekkid Bums... Make Me Happy... And I Have Lotsa Fun

I've been wanting to go see "Magic Mike" for a little while, so I talked Trish the Dish and Adame to go with me on a three-way date. 

Adame demanded we get alcohol so we could be nice and silly in the theater (especially as one of two guys in there, he needed the drink) and it didn't take much to convince Trish. She brought her superdooper movie purse that can hold a pocketbook, umbrella, ham radio and a small elephant.

Off we went to Central Market to load up on supplies before hitting Cinemark. I went to the wine/beer section and starting looking around for something portable. The friendly wine guy came over and asked if I needed help... Why yes sir, I do!

Explaining the situation, he brought me over to a display of Sofia Sparkling Wines.

http://www.franciscoppolawinery.com/wine/sofia/mini

Available in a handy pink box for travel, it includes four 187 milliliter cans... with bendy straws included! I don't think this is what Sofia Sparkling Wines had in mind for word-of-mouth marketing... but it worked!

It's as if Sofia Coppola understands the need for a wino on the go!

Obvs from the above picture, I bought it (I think it was around $15). We got to the theater a little early and decided to have a pre-movie party.

What you can't see here is that there are cut out "bubbles" along the side that make perfect hand-holds for the drink. Think "Bowling Ball" full of sparkling wine goodness.

Cute little can, Looks like a mini coke. See the bendy straw attached to the side? 

You can see T's ear in the picture. I'd like to note that we were parked and not driving.  

All there is left to do is try it out. 

Pre-bendy straw bend. I took a sip. 

Mmm. Tasty!

Not Perrier Jouet tasty, but not that bad. Better than Andre for sure. And portable!

It was a fun night. The movie was good, surprising development of character. 

Well that, and nekkid bums.

The Indepen-hizzle!

Hubs and I were invited out to the Adame Ranch for early Fourth of July celebrations ...  Adame lives in BFE ... but before getting there, we stopped to pick up a few fireworks.

 

About $100 bucks later. (But totes worth it.) 

Though, when we get to the Adame Ranch, it turns out that they had been stockpiling fireworks since Abraham Lincoln fought Vampires.

Soooo, we just added ours to the pile.

Adame got cooking on the grill.

Nice flippy floppies, yo.

And then I showed off my cowgirl boots.

And thought it would be funny to ride his lawnmower.

Rocking my Star Wars shirt. 

Then after eating and such, it got dark enough to light up a few sparklers.

I will note that I was NOT on the lawnmower at this point.

I left that to Adame, who rocked a Roman Candle in his hand will driving around scaring the horses.

You might be a Redneck.

Trish showed up with a professional firework package.

It was called "The Shizzle". 

(I blame Adame for the blurriness of this photo. He was intoxicated.)

And it was, the SHIZZLE!

Fun time had by all. 

Thanks to the Adames and Independence and legal fireworks and beer and patriotism and all that jazz.

Yeehaw!

Music Monday - Icona Pop "I Love It"

Brought to you by Mister Adame, who ever-so-slightly demanded that I add this as Music Monday.
I can see this as a boozy summertime dance hit.
Or a late night car drive to nowhere.

Git en meh belly!

So it's Breakfast Friday.  Usually I'm in for a disappointment when it's a Sales dude's turn to bring it in... it usually means bagels. Kel-Bell might like bagels, but I do not. Just boring empty calories. And, since I was at Starbucks getting a triple espresso con panna (today I was "Buffy") I texted Adame to find out what I was in store for.

Me: Who's turn is it to bring breakfast?

Adame: Nalani  (Exec. Admin over in Finance.)

Me: Is it bagels?

Adame: no

Me: Is it a unicorn?

Adame: It's better than that.

Me: A rainbow pooping, guitar playing, unicorn named bob?

IT'S FREAKING CHEESEY, EGGY, HAMMY, BACONY, PORKY, SAUSAGEY QUICHE!!

omg. i had a mini o when i walked in and smelled the heavenly smells wafting from the Sales Row.
smells. like. awesome.

Tastes even better. I'm a little piggy who is porking out on the bovine-awesomeness. Too bad Parul, you can take your vegetarian-ness elsewhere.

Overheard at the Office - Q1 2012

• You put “NO” because you’re not a felon. They don’t need to know the rest of that stuff, Grandma.
• I’d let Clinton knock me up. That’d be okay.
• You know if I go to the trouble to get up a tree, I’m going to do more than kiss there.
• Do it like I do my husband and take a bite of your beans.
• This was back in high school when everyone thought I was a lesbian.
• Yeah, but more like a Sales Associate Sandwich.
• I want a ghost to pinch me on the butt!
• Trish would be that butt pinching ghost.
• Onions remind me of armpit. And I won’t eat armpit.
• It hit horny… I mean FORNEY!
• What time is your three o’clock?
• Dude! Come have some beef with Stephanie. MOOOOO.
• Maybe it all goes back to Pangea when we were all the same continent.  
• Oh my god Ivanny. CAN YOU EVEN DRIVE??!
• Well, get em filled and bring em in, I’ll buy em from you.
• I’m a dark white. You’re a light black.
• You’ve got poor blood circulation in your extremities. Not all of them. I love the big fat ones.
• And guys in closets… but not that kind of closet. 
• It wasn’t a homoerotic barechested model, right?
• It has only taken me nearly 4 years to throw out ‘boobs’ in a meeting.  
• I can only handle it in my mouth for so long.
• I need Clayton to suck my belly.
• We need pilots in hot pants.
• Hey, I’m all for moving bits, in the appropriate setting.
• Then we can say we’ve got Jake Ryan’s stool! 
• I’d be a lollipop girl for $30.
• I’m being a feminist here! I don’t believe that we should segregate the sexes! Well, except for the bathrooms.
• Let me just make sure you get one thing straight missy, I’m a giver!
• Enrique got the clap from Tom?
• It’s unanimous. Get us the blue balls.

 Trish is pretty much leading the charge on inappropriate things to say in office at this point.  But Jamie is making up for lost time.