January Wall Quotes

Here's a recap of the latest work sayings that made it on "The Wall".

What's that beeping? (it's me) We're going to call you G-3P0 from now on. 
I'd be Cap'n Crunch... cause I like the hat. 
What's that pregnancy hormone? THC?
Teamwork makes the dream work!
And then I came out of the closet...
Love is like a fart. If you have to push it, it's probably s**t. 
Can I tell you how much fun I has taking out your balls and playing with them?

RELEASE THE SCRAPPLE!
If it burns when you pee, you gotta stop.
(singing) I second that emulsion!
I look much, much better when I have a bra on.
(How to make a flow chart for labor) PUSH! Did it come out? NO. PUSH! Did it come out? NO.
Sorry, but I'm not the only person in this room who's had a penis in his mouth. 
(Turning on the screen saver to a fireside scene.) I figuratively, and quite literally, keep the fire going!
Being pregnant is like being stoned 24/7 with the munchies.
It's like the Last Supper! But with less dying. 

That smells great! What is that?
Island Nectar.
Eyelid nectar?
Eyelid nectar, the tears of god...

It's DANCE OFF PANTS OFF!
I knew something in the milk ain't clean!
(singing) Feeling Grube!
No, it's in there but you're going to push it to the side. 
They could get lei'd!
I'ma be his Christian Grey!
You have it in your mouth, but you're probably going to spit it out...
That's why you need to be friends with Barbara and get access to her secret closet.
It was like 50 shades of Don.
Of all the women's shoes I've tried on, those are the most comfortable. 

Music Monday - "A Little Respect" by Erasure

True story.

I was a freshman in high school, only 14 years old, and had a crush on our marching band's 2nd Drum Major*, Kurt Aufderheide. He was blonde, blue-eyed, tall and Mormon. (Now that I think about it, I had a thing for blondes in high school.)  I do not think that I ever had a real conversation with Kurt; he was a senior like my brother and ate lunch on the upper quad, whereas I was with all the other freshmen by our lockers, too scared to leave the safety of a mass group.

One afternoon, I called our local pop radio station, Star 100.7, and requested that they play a song.  The conversation went something like this:

DJ: Star 100.7! Who is this?
Me: Ummm. Glynis?
DJ: Hey Gwyneth, what's going on?
Me: Uhhh, can you play a song for me? A Little Respect by Erasure?
DJ: Sure thing, who do you want to dedicate this too?
Me: (not expecting this) Oh, um? Kurt Aufderhide? *stunned that this came out of my mouth*
DJ: Ooo! Is this your boyfriend?
Me: NO!!!
DJ: Well does he have your number?
Me: I'm sure he can figure out where to get it.
DJ: Alright then! Here's Erasure with "A Little Respect" going out to Kurt Aufderheide from Gwyneth!



Even though the DJ called me Gwyneth, everyone knew it was me. Didn't matter though because I taped it onto a cassette (did you know they record those conversations during the commercials, not live?) and planed to give that tape to Kurt.

The next day at school, I got up the nerve to take the tape to Kurt (I think my phone number was written on the outside.) He was surrounded by a bunch of girls and somehow I got the nerve to break in and give him the tape, say a squeeky "Hi!" and run away.

He never called.

And I think he got a Mormon girlfriend a few weeks later. She was blonde, blue-eyed and played the trumpet. AND A FRESHMAN!

Where's Kurt today?

In Baghdad. Being awesome. Getting awards. And political stuff. Working on labor issues and probably solving world hunger.

Me?
Jets for the 0.01%.
Living the dream!

We won Tournament of Champions that year. 1992 Field Show. And if you don't believe how awesome marching band can be, you gotta check out this video... of us... THE EMERALD BRIGADE!



*The 2nd Drum Major is at the back of the field, so that when you march facing away from the front, you can still keep in time. 

When Duckie Met Leo

I heard through the grapevine that Doug may have had a rough day this week. Thought it might be time to brighten his day with a communicae from his pal Duckie. At some point, I'm going to return the duck to his desk, but not quite yet.

Dear Doug,

I made a new friend on the road. His name is Leo. He’s funny and a bit flashy, but still pretty cool. And he makes an amazing strawberry shortcake.

Normally, I would worry about the whole “He’s going to eat me” thing, but I feel pretty confident that Leo’s not that kind of guy.

Hope you’re doing well, Doug. You could always write me a note and see if it can get delivered to me while I’m still touring the country. Otherwise, I’ll try to get back to your cube soon for a visit.

Yours, Duckie

Ducky Goes Wild

The Duck Prank continues.

I had to bring Adame into the fold as he has a smart phone with a camera (and cause he totally rocks!) This week, we took Ducky outside to the volleyball court and plopped him in the sand. Next, we added a little fruity umbrella that I have been saving from a DELICIOUS cupcake Trish the Dish made a little while back. The effect was perfect, I just needed to come up with an idea of why Ducky was no longer kidnapped.



Dear Doug,
I was able to escape from my kidnappers and stow away on a boat! But now I'm on a deserted island and I don't know how to get home. Help me!
Love, Ducky

My spies tell me that Doug was wandering around the third floor looking for anyone who had a zen sand garden on their desk. *smacks head* Looks like we're going to have to find a legitimate place to hide Ducky next week. Right now he's hiding out in my cupboard.

Suggestions welcome.

I stole a duck and I liked it

I decided to play a harmless prank on a colleague, Doug. (Have no fear my three readers, am pretty sure he doesn't even know I write this bloggity blog blog. And this is a really harmless prank.)

I happened to be on the 3rd floor and walked by his cube on my way to a meeting. His desk is covered in stuff: legos, toys, monster machines, food, papers... and a duck. The duck was staring at me. It reached out to me with its bitty, black plastic eyes and pleaded for rescue. I didn't know what I would do with it, I just knew I wanted it.

So I liberated the duck. Thought he could come live with me upstairs with my Cowardly Lion Pez dispenser, Ladybug egg timer and rubber Menehune.* He seems happy. I haven't named him, but am learning towards Ducky (a la Pretty in Pink. Which is appropriate because I just heard Otis Redding's 'Try a Little Tenderness' on the radio today.)

So he's in my cube. Rather smuggly happy in his Duckiness. I did send a secret and not-to-be-traced note to Doug about Ducky...



...don't worry though, I won't really hurt him. Now I just need to figure out how to send the next picture showing Ducky on the beach with an umbella, like he got away from his attackers. Thoughts?

*Think of them as the leprechauns of Hawaii. And he's got his butt exposed. It's pretty awesome.