Showing posts with label joe black. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joe black. Show all posts

Monday, December 31, 2012

December Wall Quotes



These make touching more fun!
I have a backwards E.T. head.
Dylan brought the balls.
Who brought the Pig Popper?
Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.
Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!
Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.
Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.
Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?
You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.
These are high end premium balls!
So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?
You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I Spy With My Little Eye

I really need a mug.  I asked Joe Black to bring me back one from Orlando. Wonder if he'll remember. In the mean time, I'm using Styrofoam which is killing Trish the Dish quite slowly.

In the above picture, you can find the following things:
- Teapot full of peppermint tea
- R2D2 if he were a mouse
- love letter that is acceptable to be seen in public
- Sweet n Low, the only sweetener I use, a family favorite since 1965
- My brother, Hubs, me and Mom (though you can really only see me and Kylae

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Overheard in the Office - Q3 2012

  • Water is GOOD for you!
  • Is her a lot older than you? 
  • I don't know how to land a plane. You don't know how to brand something. Go land a &$%&(@)# plane!
  • It's called SMART but there's nothing smart about their org chart. 
  • We CAN stand peeing, but we don't want to. But it's a great quad work out. 
  • These people aren't camping here. 
  • It's all about the human touch.
  • That's why the she-urinal didn't catch on. 
  • I have a date with an 85 year old. so it should wrap up early.
  • Well, I don't crave dirt so....
  • I couldn't get enough suger in my pie-hole.
  • Oh, Bernie does! See? There's another black guy who golfs.
  • Omigod, funeral homes are way too trusting.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Conversations with a Goober



From: Black, Joe
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2012 5:49 PM
To: G
Subject: X Agenda

Hey do you wanna work on the agenda for our meeting tomorrow (Friday).

Im thinking it will just probably be like 3-4 topic points. But let’s get aligned.  I also am scheduling a meeting with X, in X, if you want to attend.  she’s gonna bring me up to speed on everything X from a 3rd floor perspective.

Thanks
Joe

From: G
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 9:50 AM
To: Black, Joe
Subject: RE: X Agenda

What meeting today? Yes, please include me with X.


From: Black, Joe
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 9:51 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: X Agenda

HUH! I was asking silly billy if you wanted to MAKE a meeting for today.

From: G
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 9:53 AM
To: Black, Joe
Subject: RE: X Agenda

Uh, you didn’t ask… you said “for our meeting tomorrow” …  I’m meetings spent today. Monday any time before 11 is good.


From: Black, Joe
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 9:54 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: X Agenda

“Hey do you wanna work on the agenda for our meeting tomorrow (Friday).”

Soooooo, because it didn’t end in a question mark you are gonna front me out that this aint a question.  Don’t be a Mitt. :)


From: G
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 9:59 AM
To: Black, Joe
Subject: RE: X Agenda

No, what you should have said was “Hey, do you wanna meet tomorrow to work on an agenda for our X visit on 10/18?”
OR
“Hey do you wanna work tomorrow (Friday) on the agenda for our meeting?”

That makes more sense.

From: Black, Joe
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 10:05 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: X Agenda

Hey do you wanna !!!

From: G
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 10:08 AM
To: Black, Joe
Subject: RE: X Agenda

*raspberry*

From: Black, Joe
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2012 10:14 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: X Agenda

Blueberry pancakes

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

SYTYCD Wrap Up - Top 16

Ooo Kat! Love the 50s glamourpuss hair and red lips.

The Here and After - Jun Miyake (Group Routine)
Black and White Charlie Chaplin slash Hobo number. Though the moostaches are still slightly Hitler-esque. Imjustsayin. (What was that insurance company that uses a red umbrella as their logo? Found it.) Choreography was coolio and song was great. I'm not sure what Tyce Mister Oreos had in mind with this, but good job.

Special Judge Cristina Applegate... whaaaaa? Well, it's not as weird as Zooey Deschanel, but clearly FOX is promoting its shows with star judges who don't dance.
Oh and we learn there is a 2 week break due to the Olympics. Yay Olympics... Boo SYTYCD.

Tiffany and George "Out of My Mind" by B.o.B. feat. Nicki Minaj 
He peed his pants in track. She got a 5.22 GPA in High School
Babysitter routine. Can't take your eyes off Tiffany. Far superior in this routine. Okey dokey NappyTabs!

Judges, specifically Mary Murphy, are annoying. Shut your trap.

Brandon and Amber "Dr. Feelgood" by Aretha Franklin
She's a hairstylist. He was in Step Up.
Southern couple after work. Baby making music. Hot and sexy. All we needed was the "o" onstage. Good job Ray Leper (thanks Nigel for stealing my "baby making" comment.) Sweat is pouring off Brandon's eight pack during judges comments. Magic Mike Much?

Janelle and Dareian "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
He's a skateboarding dare devil and she writes bad raps.
Ooo Pasha Cha Cha! And it's the song Hubs and I joke over. I just met you. You're probably crazy. Here's my number. Kill me maybe. Didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers?
Great job. Entertaining. I'm kinda over the critique thing.

Lindsey and Cole "Wild Horses" by Charlotte Martin
He's an actor and she hates feet. Angry Mary Moore routine.
I really hate this song. This version isn't half bad, but I still hate this song. The dancing is great though. Best choreography of the night.

Amelia and Will "You!" by The Creatures
He wants to be in boy band and she carries SPF 100. Jazz with Mandy Moore, opposites attract.
Will executes better, but she's kinda awesome too. Cool routine, but I'm not connecting. Therefore, I won't vote. Nothing hit my heart chord.

Matthew and Audrey "Cinco Salsa" Sverre Indris Joner / HSC / KORK
He likes to golf and she wears a night guard.
Time for a salsa. It's challenging, but it's boring. "Nothing outstanding" says the Hubs... and I agree.

Witney and Chehon "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
He can play the violin and she cthinks she knows German but clearly does not.
Hubs points out that Chehon has an abnormally long neck and must own a lot of turtlenecks. Choreography is by Stacey Tookey. When the upfront gives a great story, the dance is more complete to the audience. Just saying. Standing O. Connected partners but nothing that makes me want to keep them. I didn't cry. Make me cry and you have my vote.

Eleana and Cyrus "Toxic" by District 78 feat. Cheesa
She killed a bird and his bellybutton is a XBOX power switch.
Hip Hop NappyTabs about a ballerina and a robot.
If they were constantly in strobe light, it would be better. Hubs notes that if there were a crank on the side of the pedestal she stands on, it would be more rad. They should have painted him in silver as a robot.

In danger: Amber, Lindsey, Eliana, George, Brandon and Dareion

Hubs and I agree that Eliana and Dareion need to stay.

Though best performance of the night goes to...
"Jungle Jazz" by Les Tambours du Bronx. Alvin Avion Dance group: The Hunt
Black slaves sold to white merchants? Dance for your life. Sexuality. Life and death? The way the front dancers had their mouths covered at the end makes me want to know more. Want to talk to Joe Black about this tomorrow.

So who is out?
Amber and Brandon.

See ya in two weeks.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Bring Your Kids to Work Day - Part 2

So we had our very first "Bring Your Kids to Work" day. 
I only have the boopins, so I didn't really participate.
But I did contribute by throwing words on a paper for the video Joe Black made.
I'd post the video here but Joe is being a D****E Canoe and not sharing the files.
(You'll owe me $10, I'm just saying.)

This is Pilot Duane up front with President Fred. The kids calmed down long enough to pay attention.

Here's KelBel's little girl Alexia. So cute. "Water is good for you!" You're right Lexi, it is!

Patrick's kid has a mohawk. I just think that's awesome.

 They had fun all morning, watched the video, ate pizza, made homemade paper planes and other stuff.
Then in the afternoon, they went outside for a water balloon fight.
I couldn't make up those clouds if I tried. It was hot, but gorgeous!

Elizabeth was a good sport while her nephews pegged her.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Weekly Wrap Up

Today my new favorite Barrista, Amy, knew my drink order and my name the moment I got in line. Sa-weet!

I'm watching The Newsroom first episode because my brother said he'd give me 20 bucks if I did. That's a lie. He totally isn't giving me money, but I am watching the show.

Got a shizz load of work done since Sparky was out of the office visiting the Mothership.

Had lunch with my work hubs, Joe Black, today and totes got back into our groove. Until he asked me to do some rewrites and additions to the latest script. Boooo. I'll get to that on Sunday.

Spent an hour with our GP Doctor and found out she's going to reopen practice elsewhere. Shout out Dr. Turner, you're the fraking bomb-diggety.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Jive Turkey


(Background: We are preparing for a meeting with a senior executive and want to butter her up with her favorite things. I also learned that one of my colleagues, Joe Black, is not able to attend the presentation.)

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:03 AM
To: Whole bunch of work peeps
Subject: Status



I have Animal Crackers and Dots.
We should buy a Diet Coke right before the meeting so it’s cold.
And Joe Black is a turkey.



From: Joe Black 
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:28 AM
To: G

Subject: RE: Status



If im a turkey….you are a turkey pot pie.





From: G

Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:09 AM
To: Joe Black
Subject: RE: Status



What does that even mean?
I’m delicious?



From: Joe Black
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:56 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: Status



golden. and you make me sleepy.


Friday, June 1, 2012

Overheard at the Office - Q1 2012

  • You put “NO” because you’re not a felon. They don’t need to know the rest of that stuff, Grandma.
  • I’d let Clinton knock me up. That’d be okay.
  • You know if I go to the trouble to get up a tree, I’m going to do more than kiss there.
  • Do it like I do my husband and take a bite of your beans.
  • This was back in high school when everyone thought I was a lesbian.
  • Yeah, but more like a Sales Associate Sandwich.
  • I want a ghost to pinch me on the butt!
  • Trish would be that butt pinching ghost.
  • Onions remind me of armpit. And I won’t eat armpit.
  • It hit horny… I mean FORNEY!
  • What time is your three o’clock?
  • Dude! Come have some beef with Stephanie. MOOOOO.
  • Maybe it all goes back to Pangea when we were all the same continent.  
  • Oh my god Ivanny. CAN YOU EVEN DRIVE??!
  • Well, get em filled and bring em in, I’ll buy em from you.
  • I’m a dark white. You’re a light black.
  • You’ve got poor blood circulation in your extremities. Not all of them. I love the big fat ones.
  • And guys in closets… but not that kind of closet. 
  • It wasn’t a homoerotic barechested model, right?
  • It has only taken me nearly 4 years to throw out ‘boobs’ in a meeting.  
  • I can only handle it in my mouth for so long.
  • I need Clayton to suck my belly.
  • We need pilots in hot pants.
  • Hey, I’m all for moving bits, in the appropriate setting.
  • Then we can say we’ve got Jake Ryan’s stool! 
  • I’d be a lollipop girl for $30.
  • I’m being a feminist here! I don’t believe that we should segregate the sexes! Well, except for the bathrooms.
  • Let me just make sure you get one thing straight missy, I’m a giver!
  • Enrique got the clap from Tom?
  • It’s unanimous. Get us the blue balls.

 Trish is pretty much leading the charge on inappropriate things to say in office at this point.  But Jamie is making up for lost time.

Monday, January 2, 2012

2011 : The Wall Wrapup

Nothing good comes from condoms and woodchips.
I am Trish Farley. I can say these things.
He could be constipated for all I know.
Some people have dashing good looks, some people have hard nips. I have both.
So we keep tugging and never finish?
Kiril, come here so I can smell you.
Are you pregnant or just fat?
I’m a slutty slut.
(whispering) And we’re with a “black” guy!
Don’t you want to just touch it! – Yes, it amazes me.
I’ve gotten older with age.
I’ve give you some honey but my honey got hard
I have to use the bathroom (operated by…)
What did I learn last night? You’re much nicer when you’re drunk.
He’s screwing us with porcupine needles and no grease!
Does he whack people? – Depends on your interpretation of “whack”.
You had me at pilot.
How do you spell Pocahontas? - Very carefully.
Oh, I got a mouthful from a pilot - A mouthful of what?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

What I Learned in the month of December

On the 12th Day of Christmas, my workmates taught me...

Christmas trees are only "mildly" toxic.
There is no Gary Phenomenon.
Triple in Italian is triplo.
There are 17 carbs in a Grande Peppermint Mocha.
Mantequilla is Spanish for butter.
How to write my name in Macedonian.
Marketing accounts for 20 million US jobs.

Whooooooo is looking for a jaawwwwwwwb!

AKB48 is sixty Japanese girls singing.
Why Joe Black has an office.
It's good to bring in beer.

... and a partridge in a pear tree!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Tie Tuesday : Dark and Twisty



Adame was "home sick"* Boo. Gigantor punked out. Dimples McGee is off in Hawaii getting his engagement on. NamNamNams didn't participate (nor his Nam nips.) Hello Bruce did play in the Tie Tuesday field - was wearing the same black tie, but under a lovely sweater vest - I just didn't get him up here in time for the photo. No idea about The Beast, he may or may not be wearing a tie. Adame is the one who usually puts these photo ops together, so I was out of my element.

All that said, we had to use Utah's phone to snap a picture and it came out rather devilish, which is rather exciting since Utah is a Mormon. He's wearing a Nuovo Moda purple number (was quite dashing) and I'm in a green/blue/yellow Louis of Boston. I say the colors specifically again because it looks like this was taken underwater, at night, without a moon, and filtered by a snorkel mask.

Boo yah.

*"Home sick" is about the equivalent of "waiting for the cable guy" or "doctor's appointment". It basically means we think you are interviewing for another job.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The ridiculousness of the “REPLY ALL” email function

Setup: We will be having a Thanksgiving holiday meal for the employees in our corporate office next week. Surprisingly, our Social Committee has been lackadaisical on getting the protein portion of the meal firmed up.

20 minutes of the meeting was going back and forth about the reason we weren’t having Honey Baked Ham THIS year, but we are going to have it NEXT year, because some people will only eat ham if it’s Honey Baked Ham; but the ham that we CAN get (which isn’t Honey Baked Ham) is going to be cold and “is it alright to serve cold ham? I like to eat my ham hot” - but as far as I was concerned, it’s a moot point, cause I don’t eat freaking ham!

Then, it was positioned that we would just get a few cold turkeys and put sliced deli-style turkey breast out for people to eat because the turkeys give the effect of Thanksgiving but we really cannot afford to get full turkeys for everyone. I asked “why we don’t we just get the turkey breasts from the deli at Tom Thumb that are already cooked and hot?” This apparently started a mini-riot in the board room. Whoopsie Daisy.

At this point, Joe Black interrupted the turkey-talk and got the actual deets from the Head Committee member, who is lovely and fearless but really doesn’t need to be need deep in the gravy of the turkey-travesty. “How much is in our budget for meat? How many do we need to feed?” Getting all the information together on paper, it was then decided that I would contact Tom Thumb and find out. (I love Tom Thumb, they keep kosher.)

Joe Black and I jumped into his new ride, the Dodge Challenger. (Ironic he bought a Challenger. Well, ironic if you know why… I digress.) We gathered the information and I brought back to the Social Committee for their feedback, remembering that the Head Commmittee member specifically asked me to send out the feedback to the entire Social Committee distribution list. It would behoove me to note that there are twenty people on the committee and only 5-7 show up for meetings regularly.

My original email
Team,
Joe Black and I ran out to visit Sam’s Club and Tom Thumb. The best course of action is probably thus:
Sam’s $2.99/lb spiral ham. Cold. 65 lbs = $194.35 + tax = @ $210
Tom Thumb. $2.49/lb cooked turkey. HOT! ($15 charge per turkey for hot.) 8 turkeys at 10-12lbs each = @ $320
Total = about $530
G


And then, of course… because it was a group distribution and everyone had feedback and EVERYONE clicked REPLY ALL… these are all the INDIVIDUAL emails I received, and the rest of the committee received, all because of freaking turkey and ham. I couldn't make up these repsonses if I tried.



  • Awesome! Let's do it.

  • Are the hams going to be cold? Is there a way for us to heat them up or is everyone going to have to heat up individual plates?

  • One option I can think of there is if we each take a few and put them in the oven on warm at our respective houses. Or, we slice them and warm them in the microwaves before all the employees arrive. Or, they stay cold and if an employee wants it warm, they heat it themselves.

  • Or…..maybe we can purchase the turkeys and hams from a place that can heat them before we pick them up. Boston Market might be a good choice

  • In the past, the hams have always been cold and if people want it warm they use the microwaves. Some people do like it cold and its easier for those that want it warm to warm it than for those that may want it cold to chill it!

  • Everybody’s got a bright idea.

  • Since we have no way to keep the Ham’s warm once we are here, I think it is best to microwave them just before serving. Will the Turkey’s be delivered or brought in just before serving?

  • People will be happy with free food – cold or hot. Don’t worry about it. You have warm turkey and cold ham.

  • To be honest, you can never please everyone with everything anyway. Some like ham hot, some cold. Again, they will just love the free food.

  • Besides, all pot luck items will not stay warm since people are bringing things in at 8am.

  • They will be heating other things in the microwave also. Let them decide on their own.

  • It will be wonderful just because it’s Thanksgiving!

  • Sounds good to me.

Smacking head on desk.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The one in which I throw a temper tantrum at the bank

Missed a few Workout Wednesday reports, so let me sum up.

Work was a little crazy, planning lots of things and late afternoon meetings, so I missed a workout... or five. Had to reschedule with Amazon Amy twice, but she came at me with mad trainer juju in hour long sessions.
Amy: "You need to get more water into your body. Two gallons a day!"
Me: "Are you INSANE!?
Yes, we have established that she is insane. Brilliant, but insane. Super fit, but insane. Awesome trainer, but INSANE!)

So yesterday (Saturday) I dragged Hubster and Billy* to the gym for an early morning workout. I wogged** one mile on the treadmill first. Then started in on ab crunches, inner thigh contractions, quad pushes, calf pulls... then Amazon Amy showed up and put me through a final circuit with additional abs, back and then my least favorite, wiggley arms. What are wiggley arms? you might ask. Well, I will tell you! Stand up and put your arms out to the side, like you are making a T. Now shake your arms about. You know those wiggley bits on your upper arms that are bouncing about now? Those are the muscles that get worked during the wiggley arms exercise. Effing kills. Those muscles BURN!




So, long story short (too late) I got in a good workout. Hubster ran a mile in ten minutes and twenty-six seconds. He was beating himself up about the twenty-six seconds. Really wants to get back to a military ten minute mile. For a 41 year-old, having a six-pack and almost no body fat is pretty much as awesome as it gets. Don't worry about the twenty-six seconds! Heck, I wogged a sixteen minute mile. So there!

Other points to note about the weekend that have nothing to do with working out:

1) Freaked out at the bank and made a huge scene because I thought I had lost my passport. I could have sworn it was in my safety deposit box. When I checked and it wasn't there, I nearly lost it. Since we are leaving for Nassau, Bahamas in three days it's pretty damn important to have a passport. I immediately texted the girls that we had to cancel book club because I needed to get my ass home to find my passport. While driving like a madwoman home, Hubster found it in the file cabinent. Then, I called the girls back, but Daniela had already made other plans. Bueno was sick, and fasting for Yom Kippur, so she was out. Bodie was going to the Zoo or something with her daughter and mother. Rach was already on her way (hooray!) and Sherry Berry was headed up. So BCP was back on.




2) Book Club Peeps. The book was "One Fine Day' by ummm... someone. They just made it into a movie with Anne Hathaway and the dude from "Across the Universe". Jim Sturgess? Anyhoo, Rach didn't like it. Sherry Berry thought it was depressing. I didn't even finish it (and had talked to Daniela earlier in the week, she didn't finish it either.) I knew Bueno had liked it, so it's a bummer she wasn't there to tell us how she connected with it. Not sure what Bodie thought. But this is all a moot point since Rach, Sherry Berry and I spent a good hour and a half talking about what's going on in our lives - not the book. In fact, as we got our checks from the SERIOUSLY inattentive waitress at the Fillmore Pub, I said "Oh god, we haven't even talked about the book!" But as I mentioned, it was a very brief three minute discussion between us that we all couldn't get into it or didn't like it. Then we made our selection for next time: 'The Night Circus' by Emma Morgenstern. Looks good!

3) In a few hours, Joe Black is coming over to shoot our first consumer generated content spot. Basically, he finds the competitions online, then we decide which would make sense to enter. I brainstorm and come up with a bunch of concepts. Then we pick a few, I go back and write up scripts. Plan against those. Refine. Select location. Find talent. Shoot (Joe Black shoots, directs, etc. I'm just on set assistant.) Then he goes back and does his editing juju. We enter the competition and see what happens. We've got a production name (2C@ST) so that's good. It's not really about making money (although if we win, that's a nice chuck of change.) More about working on our craft. (I can't believe I just typed craft. That's so bougie! Whatevs.) It's using my creativity and working on my writing (beyond this bloggity blog blog.)

So my three readers, that about sums up. Maybe I'll get some blogging in on my vacay. Post some pics of Nassau to make you jealous. Or, more likely, I'm just going to be snorkeling all day, drinking, laying in the sun, and generally enjoying my hubs. (insert joke here)

Reeses Pieces.
G


* Billy is Chris' friend from the Navy days. He's sobered up a lot in the last ten years. This is the dude who would get ridiculously drunk and kicked out of clubs, or in one case he was actually kicked out of Mexico. I'm not kidding! KICKED OUT OF MEXICO! A COUNTRY KNOWN FOR ITS TEQUILA! Hubster had to basically carry him across the border. Then he calls me at 4am and says "Can you come get us? We're at the border." I'm like, "Are you serious?? It's 4am!" So I drag myself out of bed, get in Gus the VW bug, and drive sleepily down to the border. There's Hubster and Billy, basically passed out on the side of the street. As soon as Billy gets in the car, he says "I think I'm going to puke." He takes a deep breath and then says "G? Can we get some Jack in the Box?" I am not kidding.



**Wogged. Definition: a mixture between walked and jogged. Or wogging. "There I was on the treadmill, totally wogging, watching "The Big Bang Theory" on my iPad."