Monday, February 27, 2012

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Workout Wednesday

Been a while since I've last reported. Happy to say my exercise regimen is back on track. 30 minutes cardio at least four if not five times a week. Kick ass weight resistance workout with Amazon Amy on Saturday mornings. Watching my food intake. Getting lots of water in, though I can do better. Jogging at intervals of 3 minutes sporadically, then walk, the jog. Thank goodness for great tunes. Quit drinking, which is the big one.

So, holding myself accountable, it's back to the Wednesday reporting. I'm a bit nervous for this weekend's trip to Napa; want to be able to get in exercise and not pour wine down my throat, but I won't be hard on myself if I stumble.

To my three readers, thanks for listening.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Per Hub Request

And here's why it's stuck in my head.

Music Monday - The Mutha Frakin Bee Gees!

Cause I have to folloooooooooooooow you
Though you may not waaaaaaaaaaaant me to

What can I say? I have a thing for the Barry Gibbs Talk Show.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Death of Tie Tuesday

It's official.
Tie Tuesday is dead.
It has ceased to be.
I've donated all the ties in my possesion (save the ones that belong to Hubs.)
No more.

I'm looking for an alternative (besides the Pixie's idea of Tube Top Tuesday. Uh... no.)

Monday, February 13, 2012

Music Monday - Ana Tijoux

Thanks NPR.

French Chilean hip-hop singer. This song is called "Shock."

It's all about the protests that have taken place in the world over the past year. Protesters from the Arab Spring and the Occupy movements and in Chile. Last year, there were some major protests by students against the government. They turned violent, unfortunately. But they were basically saying:
"We need education, we need jobs! Stop fooling around and do what you're supposed to do."

And Ana Tijoux is really kind of paying homage to all of these protesters that are saying:
"Wake up. The time is up. This is the moment that we need change!"

Saturday, February 11, 2012

If that's not worthy of a blog, I don't know what is

(Watching a movie with Hubs: What's Your Number)

Set up: Bunch of women sitting around a table, taking shots, talking about how many men they've slept with. The main character vows not to have sex with another man. Cuts away to next scene where she is in bed asleep. A hand rolls on top of her. The gut is wearing a jacket and shirt, appears to be fully dressed.

Hubs: Well, apparently that didn't pan out.
Me: Hold the phone, he's wearing his clothes.
Hubs: So?
Me: Well they didn't have sex if he's passed out wearing his clothes.

We see that the guy is not wearing his pants or underwear, complete ass shot with his nuts plastered on the sheet.

Me: Oh.
Hubs: Yeah.
Me: I guess they did

This House is Clear

So, I took a vacation day from work to get a lot of personal shizz done. (see Facebook for photo of said tasks.) One item on the list was to clear the house of bad juju with a sage smudge stick.

For those not hippy-dippy enough, a sage smudge stick is a bunch of dried white sage leaves that are wrapped in a bundle. You burn the end of the bundle and wave it around the house, yourself, the entryways, et cetera; in order to "cleanse" the dwelling of spirits and bad stuff. Like I said, it may sound strange if you, if aren't into it, but Hubster and I truly believe that it's a good way to feel refreshed.

Well, I should have called my alarm company first to alert them that I was doing this task.

About 6pm, we started to burn the first bundle. Beginning in the kitchen, we walked around he house and waved the burning bundle around the windows and each entry way, thinking positive thoughts and asking the bad juju vibes to leave our presence. Moving into the living room, to the front room, walking down the hallway... walking through the house down the hallway, and then the alarm went off.

"What is that beeping?" Hubs exclaims.
"Oh shizz, that's the house alarm!"
"Uh, what do we do?"
"Let me call the alarm company."

Ring Ring."Hi, this is G at Kensington. Um, our alarm is going off."
Katie from alarm service "Yes G, it looks like you are having a fire?" I hear beeping on the phone that someone is trying to ring though. "We were just trying to reach you."
"Um, right. Well we aren't having a fire. I mean, we're burning stuff and there is smoke, but no fire."
"What are you burning?" The accusation in her tone makes me cringe.
"Well, it's not illegal. It's just a smudge stick. We had two people die in our house and we're just trying to clear the air."
"Uh... um... okay."
"Not like we killed them. They died of natural causes. And not at the same time. I mean, it's been a year since the last death. We just haven't gotten around to clearing the house. That's why we're burning the smudge stick. Anyway, no fire. We're all good."
"Right, okay ma'am. I'll just call the Fire Department and cancel that request."
"Thanks Katie! Have a great night!"
"Um, you too, with your cleansing or whatever."

So we finish up the house and spend and exorbitant time in the purple room where Uncle John's presence was kind of wonky.

Eight hours pass.

I wake up at 3 am and pad in my footie jammies down the hallway. The alarm isn't on. I try to set it and it won't "click" on. I try again.

"What honey bun?" he replies sleepily
"The alarm won't set."
"Well call the company" ... snore.

I ring up the alarm company and get a dude on the phone named Teddy. I explain that the alarm won't set and it says 05 FIRE on the face of the machine.

"Teddy, here's the deal. We had a bunch of people die in our house. Not recently, and we didn't kill them, they died of natural causes, but we were trying to clear the air. Not to sound hippy-dippy or anything, but we were burning a sage smudge stick and-"
"-oh yeah, I do that all the time." Teddy bursts in.
"Awesome dude!" I say. "So you know what I'm talking about! Well we can't set the alarm."
"That's just because there is residual smoke from the sage. You can't see it, but it's there, probably dealing with the last demons. Just chill til Monday and it will all be good. I'll have a Technician come out and reset your system."
Me - "You're kinda awesome Teddy. Thanks for watching my house, yo."
Teddy - "S'all good. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite."

Hawk Security. Where they don't mind that you're a hippie. Long haired freaky people... please apply.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

You've Been Punked

About a year ago, some colleagues pulled a prank on myself and others in the cuberhood. Don’t think I blogged about it at the time; I may have, but it was confetti and balloons, some streamers and randomness. Today, those individuals were out of the office… all at the same time. We had an opportunity, and we took it.

I can’t tell you who’s idea it was (it wasn’t mine) and I can’t tell you who all was involved (I may or may not have been) and I really couldn’t tell you if certain people within the company urged us on to get more and more creative (those people in which we would normally be scared to let them know what we are up to.)

So long story short, too late, here is our Masterpiece. I present you with


I love my job.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What's the worst thing that can happen?

(Explanation, our neighbors are re-doing their drains for the new city piping. We are slightly downhill and have to suffer while they retofit. We had ours done last year.)

So I'm weeing on the master toilet. I flush. I doesn't go down. The plunger is nearby and I start to plunge.

It goes down.

"Baby, that's weird. The toilet just got stuck."


"Well, i just wee'd on the toilet and it wouldn't go down."

"That's impossible. It's a 2013 drain line. You would have to poop a cantaloupe for it to get stuck. Flush it again!" So I did. And it plugged again. Hubs runs into the room and looks at the toilet.

We look at each other. "Well that's weird." We run to the other toilet and everything goes down fine. He begins plunging again.

"Did you put something down there? Like a tampon or something?"

"No. I haven't done anything but wee and poop. And we both know your poops are bigger than mine."

"Well, there is something down there."

"Well, I didn't do it!"

"Okay fine, I'll keep plunging. Go get the the info on the guys that repaired our main line last year. We got a lifetime warranty."

I run to the office and try to find the details. I hear a WHAT THE F*CK! OMIGOD! WHAT IS THAT SH*T?!?!

I run back into the bathroom and Hubs has the plunger shoved deep into the toilet.

"I just saw a effing sewer rat!"

Me: "WHAT?"

Hubs: "Go get a gun. I'm going to shoot it!"

"You can't shoot our toilet! It will get holes!"

"Fine then, then get a knife! Or get a dog, they are a natural predators" I grab Nadia out of the bed, all sleepy. She sees a splash in the toilet and turns around and hauls ass. Hubs yells "You useless son of a bitch! Some protector you are!"

I run to the kitchen and get the Japanese cleaver. Cause sewer rats should be killed with expensive cutlery. I bring back the cleaver and Hubs says: "Okay, he's dead. He's drowned. He's back down the pipe.

I hugs Hubs and say "Im scared to poop now."

The One When Hubs Met The Neighbors

Hubs pulls up to the house and happens to notice that there is someone working on the scary house at the end of the street.

He gets out of the truck, sees the dude with a shovel finally leveling up the yard that we've been looking at for the last six years. Looks like multiple bodies are buried in the front yard. Kids at Halloween wouldn't even trick-or-treat there.

The dude gives Hubs the Universal chin raise... the what's up look.

Hubs walks down the street and says "How ya doin, Did you just get the place?"

Dude says "No man, this is my girls place. Just moved in."

"Looks good man, you're doing a great job."


"Yeah, the people before you let the lawn grow crazy, like five feet high. It was known as the scary house. If you don't mind me asking, are you renting the place or did you buy it?"

"No, my girl owns it, but I just got over here."

"Oh that's cool. How long has she been here?"

"About four years."

Hubs thinks... Ohhhh... damn. "Well I've been in Cali for a while, so ummm... its been a while since I've seen the place welcome."

Hubs, recovering quickly... "Well anyway, welcome to the neighborhood." Reaching out his hand to welcome the dude with the former scary place. "What's your name man, I'm Chris."

"My name is Ca-londge-ah-nal"

Hubs stutters and thinks, colonostopy? Yeah, he had to walk away before spouting nonsense. He thought his name was a medical procedure.

Then walked away thinking, "What is wrong with me?"

Tie Tuesday - The Lady in Red

I'm looking over Adame's cube wall at Gigantor, who thinks that Adame shouldn't have Siri call him "Jackass". I think it's awesome.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Music Monday - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Thanks to Bueno for the reco.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

What I Learned in January

I learned more than this, but wasn't able to capture it all.

Iron Mountain picks up every Tuesday.
Stuff about solar cells and cosmic weirdness.
Spyware can run as a service on a laptop.
I need to add Patrick to my Zombie Apocalypse team.
Shepherd is spelled with an “e” not an “a”
Corona is a high-point beer in Utah.
There are 2 different alcohol points in Utah.
The state bird in Utah is the seagull and the state bird is the seagull lily.
Utah has not heard of A Flock of Seagulls.
How to spell connoisseur.
UPS = uninterruptible power supply