Tuesday, February 7, 2012

What's the worst thing that can happen?

(Explanation, our neighbors are re-doing their drains for the new city piping. We are slightly downhill and have to suffer while they retofit. We had ours done last year.)

So I'm weeing on the master toilet. I flush. I doesn't go down. The plunger is nearby and I start to plunge.

It goes down.

"Baby, that's weird. The toilet just got stuck."


"Well, i just wee'd on the toilet and it wouldn't go down."

"That's impossible. It's a 2013 drain line. You would have to poop a cantaloupe for it to get stuck. Flush it again!" So I did. And it plugged again. Hubs runs into the room and looks at the toilet.

We look at each other. "Well that's weird." We run to the other toilet and everything goes down fine. He begins plunging again.

"Did you put something down there? Like a tampon or something?"

"No. I haven't done anything but wee and poop. And we both know your poops are bigger than mine."

"Well, there is something down there."

"Well, I didn't do it!"

"Okay fine, I'll keep plunging. Go get the the info on the guys that repaired our main line last year. We got a lifetime warranty."

I run to the office and try to find the details. I hear a WHAT THE F*CK! OMIGOD! WHAT IS THAT SH*T?!?!

I run back into the bathroom and Hubs has the plunger shoved deep into the toilet.

"I just saw a effing sewer rat!"

Me: "WHAT?"

Hubs: "Go get a gun. I'm going to shoot it!"

"You can't shoot our toilet! It will get holes!"

"Fine then, then get a knife! Or get a dog, they are a natural predators" I grab Nadia out of the bed, all sleepy. She sees a splash in the toilet and turns around and hauls ass. Hubs yells "You useless son of a bitch! Some protector you are!"

I run to the kitchen and get the Japanese cleaver. Cause sewer rats should be killed with expensive cutlery. I bring back the cleaver and Hubs says: "Okay, he's dead. He's drowned. He's back down the pipe.

I hugs Hubs and say "Im scared to poop now."

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