Saturday, February 11, 2012

This House is Clear

So, I took a vacation day from work to get a lot of personal shizz done. (see Facebook for photo of said tasks.) One item on the list was to clear the house of bad juju with a sage smudge stick.

For those not hippy-dippy enough, a sage smudge stick is a bunch of dried white sage leaves that are wrapped in a bundle. You burn the end of the bundle and wave it around the house, yourself, the entryways, et cetera; in order to "cleanse" the dwelling of spirits and bad stuff. Like I said, it may sound strange if you, if aren't into it, but Hubster and I truly believe that it's a good way to feel refreshed.

Well, I should have called my alarm company first to alert them that I was doing this task.

About 6pm, we started to burn the first bundle. Beginning in the kitchen, we walked around he house and waved the burning bundle around the windows and each entry way, thinking positive thoughts and asking the bad juju vibes to leave our presence. Moving into the living room, to the front room, walking down the hallway... walking through the house down the hallway, and then the alarm went off.

"What is that beeping?" Hubs exclaims.
"Oh shizz, that's the house alarm!"
"Uh, what do we do?"
"Let me call the alarm company."

Ring Ring."Hi, this is G at Kensington. Um, our alarm is going off."
Katie from alarm service "Yes G, it looks like you are having a fire?" I hear beeping on the phone that someone is trying to ring though. "We were just trying to reach you."
"Um, right. Well we aren't having a fire. I mean, we're burning stuff and there is smoke, but no fire."
"What are you burning?" The accusation in her tone makes me cringe.
"Well, it's not illegal. It's just a smudge stick. We had two people die in our house and we're just trying to clear the air."
"Uh... um... okay."
"Not like we killed them. They died of natural causes. And not at the same time. I mean, it's been a year since the last death. We just haven't gotten around to clearing the house. That's why we're burning the smudge stick. Anyway, no fire. We're all good."
"Right, okay ma'am. I'll just call the Fire Department and cancel that request."
"Thanks Katie! Have a great night!"
"Um, you too, with your cleansing or whatever."

So we finish up the house and spend and exorbitant time in the purple room where Uncle John's presence was kind of wonky.

Eight hours pass.

I wake up at 3 am and pad in my footie jammies down the hallway. The alarm isn't on. I try to set it and it won't "click" on. I try again.

"What honey bun?" he replies sleepily
"The alarm won't set."
"Well call the company" ... snore.

I ring up the alarm company and get a dude on the phone named Teddy. I explain that the alarm won't set and it says 05 FIRE on the face of the machine.

"Teddy, here's the deal. We had a bunch of people die in our house. Not recently, and we didn't kill them, they died of natural causes, but we were trying to clear the air. Not to sound hippy-dippy or anything, but we were burning a sage smudge stick and-"
"-oh yeah, I do that all the time." Teddy bursts in.
"Awesome dude!" I say. "So you know what I'm talking about! Well we can't set the alarm."
"That's just because there is residual smoke from the sage. You can't see it, but it's there, probably dealing with the last demons. Just chill til Monday and it will all be good. I'll have a Technician come out and reset your system."
Me - "You're kinda awesome Teddy. Thanks for watching my house, yo."
Teddy - "S'all good. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite."

Hawk Security. Where they don't mind that you're a hippie. Long haired freaky people... please apply.

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