Monday, December 31, 2012

December Wall Quotes

These make touching more fun!
I have a backwards E.T. head.
Dylan brought the balls.
Who brought the Pig Popper?
Just looking at him, I can smell the leather.
Okay! THAT’S OVER! Time of death? SATURDAY!
Hi, I’m Jizzy Jeffcoat.
Big jugs – pause for laughter – of Vermont Maple Syrup.
Is he going to come up or are you going to go down?
You can’t do that to me! I have the brain of a 12 year-old boy.
These are high end premium balls!
So you don’t care if it is the bastard child of a high end equity farm and a cow?
You can taste and spit it out but not swallow.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Dr. Who and Annoying Suzeroo

(Set up: Suzeroo is a big Dr. Who fan.   My Hubs remembers the series from the 60's and 70's.  I've never watched them.  I started texting Suzeroo and apparently it got a bit annoying.  The conversation below is a re-created version of what happened.)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Don't Want to Be the Humbug!

Context: I’m on the Social Committee and am reporting the winners of the holiday raffles happening today.  There are quite a few people who really REALLY want to win a new iPad or a gift certificate.  I feel for them, I do.  But with 800 employees and only 30 gifts, the chances are rather slim.  I got this email in my Social Committee inbox….

From: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:45 PM
To: Social Committee
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

Mrs. Claus?

If you have any compassion in your heart, you will pull my name from the drawing bowl.

I have never “won” anything at X – been here a long time – and have been really good this year!

If I don’t win, then I am going to revert back to my ole “bad ways” and enjoy myself !!!!

Any questions, Mrs. Claus?

Your “Good” Girl Downstairs

From: Social Committee
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:47 PM
To: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

GG Downstairs,

Unfortunately I have zero hand in picking the winners.  That task was left to Mama Christmas herself, Ms. X (President).  Sadly, I only report the wins (of which I am ineligible.) L  I feel your pain GG Downstairs.  Let’s crack open a bottle of wine and go ahead and be bad.

Mrs. Claus

From: Mrs. Flight Attendant
Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:51 PM
To: Social Committee
Subject: RE: Flexjet 2012 Raffle

We are sad to report that the former GG Downstairs has left the building and gone back to her lascivious ways (and she’s old enough to know what that word means)  !!  

She asked not to be contacted unless:  (1) she FINALLY won something or, (2) a chilled Santa Margehrita Pinot Grigio was left in an ice bucket outside her door!!

Take that, Mrs. Claus !!  

Executive Assistant to the former GG Downstairs

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

What I Learned in the Month of... whatever.

South Indians have really long consonant heavy names.
Pankaj is pronounced Punk-edge.
Lengha = sari for a chubby girl.
There’s a Michael’s near me.
Adame learned about squishy poops.
In the future, everyone will have 15 minutes of privacy.
Garfield County Regional (RIL, called Rifle) is the backup FBO for Aspen.
People kill pheasants, not doggies.
Who are you and what have you done with Theresa?
Trish buys Mike his nuts.
Parul Patel’s family is in Jersey.
Vegetables are massive in Alaska.
“Doing it” for 30 minutes burns 100 calories.
The human Ken doll has had over 90 surgeries.

Belated Music Monday - Giving Up the Gun by Vampire Weekend

It would be too obvious if I posted "Holiday".

Friday, December 14, 2012

This Goes Out to My Peeps

Remember, remember all we fight for.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Teh Awesomest If I Say So Myself (Which I Do)

A couple of us in the Marketing Department each received a present from one of our agencies. It was in a constructed box that I ripped apart in a matter of seconds. Little did I know that the directions were printed on the inside of the box I had just ripped.  Whoopsie daisy.

Inside I found at least 50 pieces of cardboard that could be used to make a cool airplane.  Since the directions were shredded, and I'm not one to follow directions anyway, I decided to make my own Time Machine.

How cool is that??? 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Music Monday - Russian Christmas Music by Alfred Reed

It's that time of year... the time for RUSSIAN CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Well, THAT'S Not a good sound!

I’m sitting at my desk this afternoon, doing my googlies, and shift in my seat. All of a sudden, I hear the tell-tale riiiiiiiiiiiiiip. I think to myself, Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!

I stand up and feel by buttocks area… there is a fuzzy delineation between one portion of my jeans and the other.  (These are a pair of my favorite jeans, I paid almost $100 for them {Seven brand} and love wearing them.  Granted, as I have lost quite a bit of weight, they don’t really fit right in the buttock area… my colleagues were getting frustrated and said I had a saggy bottom.  I went out and bought new jeans that fit, but those are in the hamper and need to be washed.  Running late this morning, I just grabbed this pair. Anywhoooooo…)  

I cautiously walked over to MM’s cube where KelBel and MM were chatting.
KelBel: What’s wrong? Your face is bright red.
Me: Ummm, how bad is it?
I turn around and both break into giggles.
Me: That bad??
KelBel: (Still giggling) No, no. Only when you point it out.
MM: Yeah, you can barely notice. (smirking)
KelBel: Let’s find some duct tape.

We couldn’t find duct tape.  So here I sit. With plastic packing tape on the inside of my pants that makes noises.  I bet people think I’m wearing a diaper.  I’d go home and change but there’s only an hour left to the day.  

I’m going to be called Tapey Butt for the rest of the month, I can tell.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Belated Music Monday - "Shoulders of Fortune" by This Ground Moves

Music Monday was belated for absolutely no good reason.  Adame suggested this song  ... which is now stuck in my head. "I'm at the Pizza Hut. I'm at the Taco Bell. I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell."

But no. No Das Racist. We are going with something infinitely more wordy.

Also heard on CSI: NY.  Wow, I am now sourcing music from a crime show whereas I used to find underground songs from teh interwebs. How suburban I've become.

Friday, November 30, 2012



Okay, so here's the deal-o. The whole crew went out to lunch and on the way back, JJ was talking about the show he watches "American Horror Story" (AHS) and how great it is; people in a mental institution run by nuns and a doctor who stole a lesbian and rapes her... et cetera.  I told him that I'm not a horror fan. (That's an understatement.  I think I had nightmares for weeks after seeing Stephen King's "IT".  I remember "Ernest Goes to Camp" was scary for some reason too.  Seriously, I. Don't. Do. Horror.)

So I'm doing my googlies and my reader feed came up with something on AHS.

Me: (shouting over cube walls) Hey JJ, weren't you saying something about AHS earlier today?
JJ: Yeah, why? (He walks over to my cube.)
Me: There's something here about Dylan McDermott and a Bloody Face?
JJ: Wait what? Dylan McDermott is Bloody Face?
Me: Uh, I don't know. This just came into my reader feed.
JJ: G, you totally just spoiled the entire season for me. (chuckling with frustration.)
Me: I did?  OHMIGODIMSOSORRYIHADNOIDEA! (slams palms on the screen so he can't see anything)
JJ: Well, it may not be true, right? Don't worry about it.
Me: (pretty sure it's true since there was a photo accompanying the article) Uh, yeah maybe. I'm REALLY sorry!
JJ: Sorry that you ruined my life? This is like, the only show I watch. (he's still chuckling in the JJ way he does, and isn't super angry, but I feel awful and totally ruined it for him.)
Me: You can spoil something for me! Like a book or something.
JJ: Yeah okay. You bring in a book and read the first half and then I'll read the last chapter to you outloud.

I have to go to spoiler alert jail and be punished. Hopefully not by nuns in a mental institution. 

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

15 Gangstas Have Recomended Me

Click to see this... oh, and Fred's title is awesome.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Has Four Wheels and Goes

I recently bought a new car, a VW Jetta who I have named Johann. He speaks with a high German accent, is very punctual and loves to sing beer drinking songs. (Yes, I give my cars personalities. I do the same with my plants. It's my thing.)

Johann has a true European shift where reverse is all the way over to the left and up. This is the exact opposite of Hubster's truck (whose name is Fruck and has very little personality. Quite stupid actually.)  So driving between the two of them can get confusing. Take this petite tête-à-tête as an example:

Me: (getting behind the wheel of Fruck) Wait. Which way do I rewind this again?
Hubs: (confused, sipping on frappachino) Wha?
Me: Rewind. How do I rewind the Fruck?
Hubs: You can't rewind the Fruck. 
Me: Yes you can. It's the opposite of Johann. Which way is that?
Hubs: (laughing) Oh you mean REVERSE!
Me: (not laughing) That's what I said.
Hubs: No, you said REWIND, two different things. 
Me: Well it makes more sense than reVERSE! I didn't sing a verse to begin with, so I don't need a RE-verse. I drove. I didn't really WIND anything to RE-wind. Though I did drink some WINE recently so that could make closer sense. 
Hubs: Stop. Just stop.
Me: I guess what it really should be is reDRIVE. I'm driving, now I'm driving the other way, I'm re-driving!
Hubs: Right and back.
Me: Wha?
Hubs: Take the shift and go right and back.
Me: Oh. Why didn't you say that to begin with?
Hubs: It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?
Me: (triumphantly pulling out of the parking space) Yup!

Music Monday - "All I Want for Christmas" performed by Olivia Olson

Where is she now?  Voicework in Phineas and Ferb. Nice!

Tis the season to watch this mooooovie. Fa la la la laaaaa la la la la!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Double Music Monday - "The Black Jack White" by Spirit Animal

I'm bored on a Friday evening, Hubster has gone to bed mega early and I am flipping channels. Up comes CSI: NY, which I don't actively watch but do enjoy. Something stops me... it's a ridiculously good, head banging dance jam.

Not even out until 2013. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Music Monday - "Different" by Robbie Williams

Who has been listening to the new RW album non-stop? ME!  I understand that this is going to be the next single released.  Not what I would have chosen, just means I'll have another music monday posting.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I'm Talking about YOU NamNamNams and M3!!!

I am mildly amused and concerned for my team.  Apparently someone thinks Mac & Cheese is a vegetable and Baked Brie is a bread.

Really? I mean REALLY?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The One Where Parul Tells Me What I Can Eat and I Trick Her

From: Parul
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 10:37 AM
Subject: A thought about food

If it comes from a plant eat it, if it made in a plant don’t! 

Just a thought :)

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 11:08 AM
To: Parul
Subject: RE: A thought about food

What about seaweed?  It’s a plant, but dried out in a plant?

From: Parul
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 11:13 AM
To: Eckert, Glynis
Subject: RE: A thought about food


From: G
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 11:16 AM
To: Parul
Subject: RE: A thought about food

Kettle potato chips?

From: Parul
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 11:17 AM
To: Eckert, Glynis
Subject: RE: A thought about food


From: G
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 11:56 AM
To: Parul
Subject: RE: A thought about food

Chocolate covered pretzels?

From: Parul
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 12:40 PM
To: Eckert, Glynis
Subject: RE: A thought about food

No and NO

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 12:42 PM
To: Parul
Subject: RE: A thought about food

No chocolate? Wow Parul, that’s harsh!

From: Parul
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 12:43 PM
To: Eckert, Glynis
Subject: RE: A thought about food

Sorry :(
5 ingredients or less…

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, November 06, 2012 12:48 PM
To: Parul
Subject: RE: A thought about food

Flourless Chocolate Cake
1.      4 ounces fine-quality bittersweet chocolate (not unsweetened)
2.      1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
3.      3/4 cup sugar
4.      3 large eggs
5.      1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder plus additional for sprinkling