Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Workout Where I Took Over the Music

Texts late last night between me and Amazon Amy.

G: Can I bring a playlist tomorrow? for music? hardcore rock and good stuff.
AA: Yes :))))
G: Okay, that makes me even more excited to work out. Who's your favorite band?
AA: Great! I like it all.
G: Well the Prom Queen is bringing music that will make the dudes sweat.
AA: Haha!!! Perfect!!! See you at 9:30.
G: Let's see how Red and Michael like it. They'll either be energized or want to work harder to get away from the music. NIN. Roots. Korn. ACDC.

So I plugged in my iPad and this was the workout tuneage.

It's a Long Way to the Top - ACDC
Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Taos - Menomena
Give It All - Rise Against
Quiet Little Voices - We Were Promised Jetpacks
Hysteria - Muse
Spot Light - Mute Math
Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy (Amy really liked this one.)
Re-Education (Through Labor) - Rise Against
The Police are Coming - Crystal Method
Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
Listen to Your Love - Mona
I Wish (I Believe) - Franka Potente
Breathe - Telepopmusic

Friday, June 29, 2012

Weekly Wrap Up

Today my new favorite Barrista, Amy, knew my drink order and my name the moment I got in line. Sa-weet!

I'm watching The Newsroom first episode because my brother said he'd give me 20 bucks if I did. That's a lie. He totally isn't giving me money, but I am watching the show.

Got a shizz load of work done since Sparky was out of the office visiting the Mothership.

Had lunch with my work hubs, Joe Black, today and totes got back into our groove. Until he asked me to do some rewrites and additions to the latest script. Boooo. I'll get to that on Sunday.

Spent an hour with our GP Doctor and found out she's going to reopen practice elsewhere. Shout out Dr. Turner, you're the fraking bomb-diggety.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Why yes, I am a Genius, thankyouverymuch

Anyone have issues spelling their name right when typing quickly? I don't know why, but I can never seem to type out my first name with the letters in the right order; and also, my fat fingers always slip on a side key and end up with a random character like "k" or "o" or ">" ... "/" is also quite popular.

Bless you spellcheck. The fourth option down made my day.

I Want My... I Want My... I Want My Freezy-Freeze

My three readers will remember a previous post ... The one where I asked for a disco ball at work. ... and my dreams finally came true!

Well, it wasn't a disco ball BUT A MINI FRIDGE! Huzzah!

We put it in the cube across from me that I dubbed "The Chill Cube" because people go in it, hang out, read magazines... and chill. (Well, they haven't chilled in a long while since we've been working our tushes off. And I'd like to think that hard work paid off since WE GOT A MINI FRIDGE!!!)

Look how pretty pretties! It's RED! And it holds stuff!

And this is the letter from our Management Team.
My job is awesome.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Workout Wednesday - Get it together, girl!

MUST work out after work. Squats. Pushups. Crunches and Cardio.

I took the stairs today, so that was an incremental 104+ steps.

But then I got a Ice Cream Sammich.


I'm sideways today (in my Espresso-ness) as Marilyn with my super red lips.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Unwanted Fries

From: G

Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 12:42 PM
To: Ford Prefect
Subject: dude

How was In-n-out?

From: Ford Prefect
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:08 PM
To: G
Subject: RE: dude

Very good. Soda was off, like the bladder of syrup was getting lean.
Other than that, the fries cried you weren’t there.

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:29 PM
To: Ford Prefect
Subject: RE: dude

I’d totally take a poll on best fries and In-N-Out wouldn’t be in the top 5. They are the sad little fries who get high-jacked at point-of-purchase but aren’t really wanted by anyone. Even Liam Neeson wouldn’t want those fries.

From: Ford Prefect
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:33 PM
To: G
Subject: RE: dude

Taken 2. Google it.

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:42 PM
To: Ford Prefect
Subject: RE: dude

Wait wait wait… they’re making a Taken 2?!
How many times can his daughter be THAT stupid and get kidnapped to become an Arabian slave?

From: Ford Prefect
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:43 PM
To: G
Subject: RE: dude

The trailer is online. It’s the wife that gets taken, by the relatives of all the dudes he killed in France.

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:47 PM
To: Ford Prefect
Subject: RE: dude

That family should NOT be allowed to travel!

From: Ford Prefect

Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 2:14 PM
To: GSubject: RE: dude
Maybe in Taken 3 they’ll bump into the Griswolds

Attack of the Killer Iceboxes

(I invited a bunch of people I think are awesome to come brainstorm with my on an upcoming Marketing idea for work. This is the email response I received from an Operation Dude downstairs. He has clearly won the right to be included in all future brainstorming.)

Sorry I wish I had the time, but I simply can’t even get the stuff I should get done now.

Plus my mind is simply taken over by ideas I have of fake PSAs about keeping our office fridges clean.

Or fake movie trailers:

• A romantic drama period piece about an office girl expecting to find a horrible fridge that has been cleaned out and her quest to find who did it.
(G Comment: I would call it "Fridges of Madison County".)

• A Jerry Bruckheimer type movie about the coming catastrophe of an office fridge whose reaching saturation, “no return, tipping point” levels of filth, threatening an entire floor, and the bold few who try to bring an end to the impending doom.
(G Comment: Perhaps "On Frosty Ground" or "Meltdown: This Time It's Personal!".)

• A good old fashioned horror story of a fridge that comes alive after the year long, molded organisms mutate.
(G Comment: Here I think you should just stay classic and go with "MOLD!")

• A fridge with a Liam Neeson accent that systematically hunts down those who spill sweet and sour sauce in its drawer and shelves and doesn’t clean up after it.
(G Comment: Wanted to go with "Gangs of New Pork" but that sounds like an adult flick. Surprisingly, "Schlinder's List" could still work...)

Where the heck did that come from?

Ran a little bit late this morning because I didn't know what to wear. I'm spending the afternoon at one of our ad agencies and they are so freaking hip and thin... it's a little frustrating. I'm the client. So I'm more important, right? We pay them to work for us. Yet, when I walk through their doors, I feel like my first day at Painted Rock Elementary School where it's January of 4th grade and everyone has their friends and I'm the new kid wearing a jean jacket and jean skirt, because that was what was cool in San Jose, but definitely not cool here in Poway. And then the next week, when I am wearing my Girl Scout uniform and super proud of my patches, Dana Rethmeyer comes over and pulls down my knee high socks because it's not cool and makes fun of my shoes cause they aren't Keds. They're just white sneakers, but missing that important blue square is what makes it or breaks it on the playground. Effing Dana Rethmeyer.

So yeah, I was late because I was trying to find a hip outfit and finally just decided to wear jeans, flats and a flowey blue top that is comfortable with bright red lipstick. Eff it. I'm hip in my own way. I drive a 1972 Chevy Nova. I throw the best Halloween parties in North Texas. I don't care about their Mad Men coolness.

Which is why when I picked up my triple Espresso Con Panna at Starbucks and the lady asked for my name, I said Judy.
Judy? Who the eff is Judy? Where did THAT come from? Couldn't I have thought of something more cool like Raven or Cassandra or Chk!Chk!Chk! ???

(sigh) I'm hopeless.

Monday, June 25, 2012

My Office Door

Come on in.
It's not like I have an iffice.
With a door.
And a window.
And sunlight.
And a nice place to put a plant.
A philodendron maybe.
Or a hardy fern.
Come on it.
I mean you're already there.
Looking right at me.
It's not like I have walls.
It's not like I have someplace to hang my college degree or photos of my loved ones.
Or even a calendar.
A calendar would be nice.
With photos of golden retrievers.
Who doesn't like a golden retriever?
Have you ever tried to hang a calendar with push pins?
They fall right out. You find them later in your lunch bag or stuck to your coat.
A coat rack.
It'd be sweet to have a coat rack.
Or even a hook.
On the back of the door.
Sweet Ezekial, I want a door. Then I could tell people about my "open door policy" without it being a sad joke.
I'd close it sometimes.
When I needed to focus.
Or sometimes just to collect myself.
I'd hang holiday deorations on it.
Something nondenominational.
Like a snowman holding a banner that says, "There's no business like snow business."
Or maybe it's half melted, and the banner says, "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee."
That's it.
That would be the bomb.
- credit to Bailey Lauerman

Music Monday - My Funny Valentine

From the filme "The Company" with Neve Campbell and Malcom McDowell.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Best. Breakfast. Ever

This is Trish.
Trish the Dish.

And she made the best breakfast ever.
Baked Oatmeal with cranberries.

The only thing better than that is cinnamon rolls.
Which I have requested on my birthday :)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Ugliest Purse in the Galaxy

Was grabbing my sammich from the office break room when I saw this.
I happen to know who put it out there "for a good home" but I won't tell.
I've removed incriminating marks.
$70.00 for this ugly purse? Areyoufreakingkiddingme!
A perfume bottle and purple bow embroidered onto a camel colored vinyl bag with black trim.
And the interior is hot pink.

The little yellow sticky is my response.

B is for Beatrice and Bums

Last time I was Buffy... today I felt like a Beatrice at Starbucks. Maybe next week I'll be Belinda or Barbara. Taking requests!

I decided to flip my Hawaiian Menehune around so you could see his cute little bum. I think he must be working out, because the dude is rocking a white 'stache but his glutes are Channing Tatum hard.

Speaking of Channing Tatum, I kind of want to see 'Magic Mike' but don't want to go to a theater with a bunch of screaming women. Have to wait for the DVD.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

All I wanna do is see my dance show

It's 8 pm. Time for So You Think You Can Dance and you are airing the news.
Come on!
I am currently on hold with a gentlemen who is soft spoken and looking into it.
He told me I need to call Verizon.
He sees it on Time Warner... So call Verizon.
Calling them now.
Press one. Press one. Press two.
Saying TV
Stupid VoiceOver is telling me to walk thru steps.
All associates are busy and your call will be answered when received...
Dumb Muzak.
4 minute hold.
I'm contemplating hanging up.
WTF VERIZON! I've been your customer since 1996.
Back in the days you were a small outfit in San Diego.
Okay, that's it.
I'm going to watch a recording of Tosh.0

No Spellcheck, that is not what I meant.

Jive Turkey

(Background: We are preparing for a meeting with a senior executive and want to butter her up with her favorite things. I also learned that one of my colleagues, Joe Black, is not able to attend the presentation.)

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:03 AM
To: Whole bunch of work peeps
Subject: Status

I have Animal Crackers and Dots.
We should buy a Diet Coke right before the meeting so it’s cold.
And Joe Black is a turkey.

From: Joe Black 
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:28 AM
To: G

Subject: RE: Status

If im a turkey….you are a turkey pot pie.

From: G

Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:09 AM
To: Joe Black
Subject: RE: Status

What does that even mean?
I’m delicious?

From: Joe Black
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 10:56 AM
To: G
Subject: RE: Status

golden. and you make me sleepy.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Bieber and Being Old

Me: I think I can finally admit that I'm old.

Hubs: Uh, okay. Why is that?

Me: Well, you know there's a song called "Call Me Maybe" that a summer smash hit?

Hubs: No. No I don't.

Me: Well watch this okay? It's the most popular trending song this summer. Apparently it's super popular.

Me: See? That's Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.

Hubs: Who are they? Wait... Bieber. Is that the guy we call Justin Beaver?

Me: Yes. His fans are Biebsters. Or Biebs. Or Bleebers or something.

Hubs: I can think of five different words that work better than "maybe". Baby. Someday. Shame-y. Tuesday...

Me: Yeah, you can't say Call me next Tuesday.

Hubs: How about here's my number, don't be lazy? You could at least pick up the effing phone. I've done all the work now. And here's my number. So don't be lazy.

Me: We're old you know.

Hubs: Hey!

Me: What?

Hubs: I just heard this. Here's my number. Slutty lady.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Music Monday - Icona Pop "I Love It"

Brought to you by Mister Adame, who ever-so-slightly demanded that I add this as Music Monday.
I can see this as a boozy summertime dance hit.
Or a late night car drive to nowhere.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Return of Amazon Amy

It is appropriate that my last post was about the cheesy-deliciousness that was Friday's breakfast, because I suffered all the more for it on Saturday morning.

I got to the gym at 9:40, about ten minutes later than I should have. Amy had three other people working through their rotation. I jumped on the treadmill and walked for 5 minutes to warm up, then she came to collect me with her ridiculous smile and bubbly attitude.
I wanted to say "No, of course not. I want to go back to bed. I feel horrible and I don't like you." But I forced a smile and followed her to the weights.

She put me through a pretty good rotation and I was keeping up. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 10 am, so I figured I had one more rotation left.


She calls out to everyone to grab their things and follow her outside. Oh sweet brown, what are we in for? We walk outside and then left, into the newly expanded part of the gym I had not seen. Apparently in the three weeks since I've worked out, they've taken over more of the building. A big open space with kettle balls, Bosu, rope things, I don't even know the names for what I'm looking at.

There are five of us and she gets us started on what I will call "the cranker" - in which you are peddling with your arms instead of legs. Then we are doing some exercise she calls a Turkish something or other and the sweat is pouring off me. Then 8 count body builders. I believe this is about the time that I screamed out, "I hate you Amy!" and she just laughed and laughed; I'd say maniacally laughed, now that I think about it. Then Bosum jumps. Moving over to squats with a kettle ball... a horrible full body exercise where I can literally see the sweat impression left on the mat from my back and butt. Ewwwe.

Did I mention that I'm the worst one in the group? (Well of course, I haven't worked out in three weeks.) There's a 40-somemthing gal with red hair who is wearing weight gloves; her name is Diane but everyone calls her Red. Then a 50-something dude with super-toned muscles and just a bit of a belly; he's loud and makes a lot of noise when he's exerting energy. A 60-something dude that is fit and spry. A 20-something Asian woman that I have no idea why she is there becuase she's got a great body. And then me... Ms. Chubbs McChubberson.

Long story short (too late) We weren't done until 11 am. So I got an intense 1 1/2 hour long workout.   As I was stumbling out of the building, Red asked me "So we going to see you again next Saturday?"

Yup. I'll be there.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Git en meh belly!

So it's Breakfast Friday.  Usually I'm in for a disappointment when it's a Sales dude's turn to bring it in... it usually means bagels. Kel-Bell might like bagels, but I do not. Just boring empty calories. And, since I was at Starbucks getting a triple espresso con panna (today I was "Buffy") I texted Adame to find out what I was in store for.

Me: Who's turn is it to bring breakfast?

Adame: Nalani  (Exec. Admin over in Finance.)

Me: Is it bagels?

Adame: no

Me: Is it a unicorn?

Adame: It's better than that.

Me: A rainbow pooping, guitar playing, unicorn named bob?


omg. i had a mini o when i walked in and smelled the heavenly smells wafting from the Sales Row.
smells. like. awesome.

Tastes even better. I'm a little piggy who is porking out on the bovine-awesomeness. Too bad Parul, you can take your vegetarian-ness elsewhere.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The Power of Three

Thanks to my three readers, I’ve found the thief who stole my mug. I’m not going to say who did it, (TORRENCE!) but you know who you are (TORRENCE!) and I very much hope that you’ve learned your lesson. (TORRENCE!)

See? It’s a pretty ugly mug. Well, not ugly, but just not for me. Glo gave it to me… therefore I love it. And as you can see, it holds a $*(@#) amount of coffee.

And that thing behind it is my special Hawaiian Menehune; which surprisingly, is also a gift from my Mom. Huh. I'll have to tell you more about that story later.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

If You Want To Give Me a Present?

This is day five where I haven't found my mug and I'm forced to use a styrofoam cup.

Previous sayings have been
"I'm sorry Trish, someone stole my mug."
"I'd rather be a flower."
"I'm recyclable, I swear."

The original mug is blue with swirly flowers and has "love is patient, love is kind" written on the side.
(I know, totes not my style)
My Mom gave it to me as a gift and it's been my work mug for two years.
I love that mug... sniff.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Music Monday - Zou Bisou Bisou

There are a lot of things I want to say today.
But I'm going to keep my big trap shut.
Zou bisou bisou.

(just try to keep it out of your head.)

Friday, June 8, 2012

Monday, June 4, 2012

Music Monday - Tennessee Ernie Ford

Haiku for Music Monday

Interesting day.
I had a premonition.
Answer was... you're safe.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Overheard at the Office - Q1 2012

  • You put “NO” because you’re not a felon. They don’t need to know the rest of that stuff, Grandma.
  • I’d let Clinton knock me up. That’d be okay.
  • You know if I go to the trouble to get up a tree, I’m going to do more than kiss there.
  • Do it like I do my husband and take a bite of your beans.
  • This was back in high school when everyone thought I was a lesbian.
  • Yeah, but more like a Sales Associate Sandwich.
  • I want a ghost to pinch me on the butt!
  • Trish would be that butt pinching ghost.
  • Onions remind me of armpit. And I won’t eat armpit.
  • It hit horny… I mean FORNEY!
  • What time is your three o’clock?
  • Dude! Come have some beef with Stephanie. MOOOOO.
  • Maybe it all goes back to Pangea when we were all the same continent.  
  • Oh my god Ivanny. CAN YOU EVEN DRIVE??!
  • Well, get em filled and bring em in, I’ll buy em from you.
  • I’m a dark white. You’re a light black.
  • You’ve got poor blood circulation in your extremities. Not all of them. I love the big fat ones.
  • And guys in closets… but not that kind of closet. 
  • It wasn’t a homoerotic barechested model, right?
  • It has only taken me nearly 4 years to throw out ‘boobs’ in a meeting.  
  • I can only handle it in my mouth for so long.
  • I need Clayton to suck my belly.
  • We need pilots in hot pants.
  • Hey, I’m all for moving bits, in the appropriate setting.
  • Then we can say we’ve got Jake Ryan’s stool! 
  • I’d be a lollipop girl for $30.
  • I’m being a feminist here! I don’t believe that we should segregate the sexes! Well, except for the bathrooms.
  • Let me just make sure you get one thing straight missy, I’m a giver!
  • Enrique got the clap from Tom?
  • It’s unanimous. Get us the blue balls.

 Trish is pretty much leading the charge on inappropriate things to say in office at this point.  But Jamie is making up for lost time.