The One Where I Crashed a Wedding

I was ridiculously fortunate enough to stay at a five-star resort in Los Cabos, Mexico last weekend. It was for work, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Yes, I have an amazingly awesome job.


On the final night, when all "work" stuff had been completed and I could let go of some steam, I had a "couple" of drinks with a partner in crime. To protect his identity, I'll call him Matthew.


So it's about 11pm or so, maybe 10pm (see earlier reference to a "couple" of drinks... meaning 5+ glasses of champagne.) We get back to the resort, I couldn't tell you much about the ride back as I don't really remember it; but I am sure I was witty and charming and true to my loquatious, egocentric, know-it-all self. Matthew and I (well maybe just me) decide to continue drinking.


Now let me take a step back. Earlier in the day, we saw the wedding nuptials of a gorgeous couple from far, far away. I wasn't snooping, it was on the property. We were all excited for them and wanted to share in the moment, even if from hundreds of yards away. When Matthew and I got back to the resort, the wedding guests were partying on the beach. Music blaring, dancing couples, it looked like a fantastic affair.


It was at this point that I decided we were going to crash the wedding.


(I'm making up this dialogue as best as I remember.)

Me, grabbing a bottle of champagne: C'mon Matt, we're gonna crash a party.
Matthew: What???
Me, grabbing his hand: Yup. Let's go.


Matthew was doubtful and a little concerned, so I made up a story as we walked down to the beach and onto the red carpet.
Me: You're my brother. We're vacationing together. Got it?
Matthew: This isn't going to work.
Me: Oh yes it is. It's going to be fun. Don't worry.
(I think he was more worried about my mental health.)


We walk right down the red carpet and into the crowd, I asked one of the guests where the groom was. She pointed to a tall, handsome black dude. I strode over with champagne in hand.


Me: Hi! Congratulations! My brother and I are guests here and just thought we'd come wish you a wonderful beginning to your new life! (I'd like to note here that the champagne was already paid for so I wouldn't be able to get the money back or ship it home. Just saying.) We brought champagne! Love to toast with you and your new bride!
Groom: (stunned) OHMIGOD! BABY! BABY! BABY! (looking around in the crowd) WIFEY! WIFEY! WIFEY!


This went on a few moments while I popped the champagne and got flutes. The bride came over, absolutely gorgeous by the way, and the groom said we came to toast with them. She gave me a huge hug and I whispered congratulations in her ear and that I was so happy for her. We all toasted. I think Matthew might have introduced himself. Then the sparklers came out and it was time for them to leave.


Matthew and I melded to the back of the crowd, watching as the happy couple left. One of the bride's sisters came over to chat with us. We had a few more drinks and then slunk away back up the beach.


Matthew: It was Vincent and Candice.
Me: What?
Matthew: That's the name of the couple that got married, Vincent and Candice.
Me: Oh? Cool!


On Monday I learned that the groom was a Pro Football Player. He and his bride were childhood sweethearts and had a young son together. This makes me happy. I'd like to think they are going to receive their wedding photos from the onsite photographer, see them toasting with two white kids they don't know, and say WTF?

Congrats you two.