“I can’t believe you bought homophobic food,” I said indignantly.
“Don’t be mad at the chicken.” She then proceeded to show me a hilarious parody of three trans-ladies mocking Wilson Phillips and singing about Chick-Fil-A.
I confessed that I do, in fact, miss the waffle fries.
Next morning, Hurricane Benji graces us with his presence and he is munching on Whataburger. My taste buds immediately salivate and I think about getting drive-thru from an A-frame… mmm. It was like a Homer Simpson moment when Neavesy became a burger and Benji turned into an onion ring.
Since I haven’t been waking up on the right-side of the bed lately (literally, I’ve been getting up on the left) I didn’t bring a lunch. It’s Friday so going out felt like a good option. I texted my buddy Ford Prefect for a date…
Alright, you know what? I’m DOING this!
I’m sure it’s been done before, but I am actually going to three different fast food locales to get the best portions of a meal to make the ULTIMATE FAST FOOD BURGER LUNCH EXPERIENCE.
I left the office at 12pm and made it back at 1:05pm.
Here is the route I took:
I selected medium potato waffle fries from Chik-Fil-A (400 calories, 21 grams of fat, 48 carbs) with one packet of ketchup. Those were wolfed in-route to In-N-Out where I got a cheeseburger animal-style (480 calories, 27grams of fat, 39 carbs). Then next part of journey had me going up the access road with multiple red lights; I was able to finish the burger quite literally in line at the DRIVE THRU at Whataburger.
Here I was stumped. A milkshake? A dessert? I opted for a hot apple pie. OMG. I’m really stuffed and don’t want to eat this… but I must take at least a few bites or this was all for naught. Since I only had a few bites (which burnt the top of my mouth with its lava-like apple spew) I’m going to round down to half of the actual nutrition (130 calories, 114 grams of fat, 7 carbs)
Just to sum up: My ridiculousness took 65 minutes. I saw three private jets overhead. I listened (and sang along) to about 10 or so songs on KXT. I nearly rear-ended someone on Beltline. I learned Whataburger doesn’t have bottled water and I spent about $5.60 in total. I did it… but it’s not something I’d necessarily do again. Unless we figured in curly fries from Jack-In-the-Box, a hot fudge sundae from Dairy Queen… no NO NO!!! This is going to take 3 full work out sessions to negate my gluttony.
And just as I post this, I get another text from Ford, “How was crazy lunch?"